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The Wombat Resists @UrsulaV
, 4 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
ME: *so excited by coffee shop reopening, she drinks two pint glasses of the strong stuff*
BODY: Ahhh...caffeine. Let’s just relax and take a nap...
*TWO HOURS LATER
HEART: oh god oh god oh god
BODY: Something’s not right! Our heart is hammering! Oh god! PANIC
ME: wait no it’s just the coffee
BODY: Crap crap heart is pounding something’s wrong!
HINDBRAIN: OMG IT MUST BE A TIGER
ME: wut
BODY: A TIGER?! Adrenaline, you’re up! Lungs, prepare for running!
ME: It’s not a tiger what are you doing
HINDBRAIN: ALL THE TIGERS
BRAIN: Everyone, alert for the tigers!
ME: We don’t live on a continent with tigers!
HINDBRAIN: ...BEARS
BRAIN: AIIIEEE PANIC PANIC RED ALERT I WANT THOSE CORTISOL LEVELS THROUGH THE ROOF
ME: It was coffee jfc
ME: There are no bears! No tigers! We don’t need to panic! Everybody chill!
BRAIN: ...
ANXIETY: Your husband is going to get in a car accident and die and then leave you.
HINDBRAIN: FOR A TIGER
BRAIN: AUUUGHHHHH
ME: why am I like this
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More from @UrsulaV see all

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Why have I never heard of Cangrande Della Scalla before?! Why did I spend so much time in history class reading the Crucible when it was freaking ergot, end of story, and there was a charming Italian warlord yanking arrows out of his own wounds in battle?
AND THEN HE HAD AN ENLIGHTENED TAX POLICY
I honestly don’t believe there’s any overarching conspiracy to nearly anything, but “Let’s make history curriculums boring so kids don’t read it and then discover Very Upsetting Things” would be a really slick bit of social engineering.
Read 3 tweets
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My friend, I appreciate your attempt to get her into your hobbies, but reading the history of githyanki aloud to a woman who has not looked up from her phone and is no longer even grunting is acknowledgement...
I mean, I’ve written actual fanfic that included githyanki and even I am drifting off.
Start with something fun! Dragons! Orcs!
Read 12 tweets
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Hey internet, are there any GOOD home DNA testing companies out there? Like, 23andMe is selling info to drug companies and I’ve heard you’d have better luck with a dartboard and a map than Ancestry—anybody out there not shady as hell?
(Please note that I am mostly curious about my own ancestry, since my family had wandering feet and skipped town a lot, and have less than no interest in finding long lost family.)
(Like, if I have a long lost whatever out there, they can stay lost with my blessing. I do not need to be drawn into someone else’s emotional need vortex.)
Read 3 tweets

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Day 23 of El Chapo's trial just getting underway. Stay tuned for updates from the courtroom via @miguelfdzflores. Expecting another full day of testimony from Vicente Zambada.
Mid-morning break at the Chapo trial. Per @miguelfdzflores, today's testimony from Vicentillo has focused on the Sinaloa cartel's weaponry and murders. Some colorful anecdotes, including one involving a bazooka.
Vicente Zambada testified that 99 percent of the Sinaloa cartel's weapons come from the United States. He said they bring "millions" of bullets a month across the border. Semi-automatic AK-47s purchased in the US would be turned into machine guns by a guy named Pepe el Armero.
Read 34 tweets
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1/A decade ago, I took my first device-free, solitude experience.

Ten years and 100s of “solos” later, I can say with confidence that if I could give any bit of advice to my younger me it would be to spend at least one day a week in device-free solitude.
2/ Backstory: I took an 6 week study abroad trip to Maine (no phone or computer) and channeling our inner Thoreau, we all took what we called “Solos” — a weekend without talking to any people or, of course, using any devices.

NELP: lsa.umich.edu/nelp
3/ When I first began my solo, I remember playing with branches, kicking leaves — I was bored. I was restless. I wanted to come back to mainland. Then, two hours later, I experienced my first solitude high — a feeling I’d seek for the rest of my life.
Read 27 tweets
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🔹

He wakes up once again to an empty room. He looks for his phone which he finds at the dresser with his car key. His shoes neatly arranged next to the closet and curtains drawn.

He checks the bathroom but there is no sign of the younger.

Failing to have his call picked up,
he sends a text and starts to feel anxious.

Did Kyungsoo run away?

He opens the closet and finds their bags with their wallets inside. It means the other only has his phone with him.

And he's not answering any calls and texts.

He's seriously getting worried.
If before, he could contact his cousin and ask of his whereabouts, right now he doesn't have anyone to turn to.

Just then the door opens, revealing a drenched Kyungsoo. The younger just stands there, at the doorway with a bashful smile.

"What happened to you? Why are you wet?"
Read 929 tweets
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YOONKOOK AU 💫

Yoongi and Jungkook have never met before, live in separate cities, and have completely different lifestyles. They have no idea that the other person exists.

Then one morning they wake up in each other's bodies and have no idea how to switch back.
@oceansleeps Tags: descriptions of anxiety attacks, swearing, possible smut 🔞 (I haven't decided yet lmao)

This is gonna be loosely based off of kimi no na wa. I hope y'all enjoy!!
Yoongi woke up with a slight pounding in his temples and a very dry mouth. His body felt heavy, like his limbs had been filled with lead. It was like he was hungover, but he didn’t recall drinking that much the night prior.
Read 274 tweets
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TRAPPED INTERACTIVE AU:

In which six boys think spending the night in a cabin located somewhere in Engelberg, Switzerland is a good idea.
(only one can stay outside the cabin)

KIM TAEHYUNG
KIM SEOKJIN
Read 234 tweets
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A few weeks ago, I drove by a freeway rest stop at night and even though I had to pee, I held it until I got home, two hours later, because from a young age I had been told that rest stops after dark weren't safe for women.

But, why? A thread.

1/
I have never known a woman who was attacked at a rest stop after dark. I was with my husband, who would have defended me, should something have happened. I was in Utah, in the middle of nowhere. The likelihood of anything happening was minute.

And yet, we kept driving.

2/
As we drove, I thought about why I was afraid. I thought of all of the things I'd been taught about staying safe in my female body, even though I'd never been attacked in the ways about which we were warned. And still, I was afraid and cautious.

3/
Read 8 tweets

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