Thread by @jeremynewberger

GOD: Sarah.
SARAH: Mr. Trump is that you?
GOD: No Sarah. It's Trump's boss.
SARAH: Mr. Putin?
GOD: These Huckabees, not my best work. It's God Sarah!
SARAH: God!
GOD: Do me a favor.
SARAH: Yes my Lord?
GOD: Stop fucking lying.
SARAH: But.
GOD: Im just sick of it. Enough already.

SARAH: But you wanted Donald Trump to be president.
GOD: Nah. I was a Bernie Bro.
SARAH: But you called upon us to choose him.
GOD: Those were ROBO calls.
SARAH: How were we to know?
GOD: Because he behaved like literally every villain in my Bible. That was a pretty big clue.

SARAH: But gays?
GOD: Great parents. Never kill dogs.
SARAH: Abortions?
GOD: You think Trump bagged his tiny mushroom whenspilling seed on half of Mar-A-Lago's trophy brides?
SARAH: Religious liberties?
GOD: Your dad is a bass playing minister with a TV show. Oppressed are we?

SARAH: This troubles my heart.
GOD: Not as much as all the butter you put in your pies.
SARAH: So what do I do now?
GOD: Stop lying. Nobody believes Trump any more. You look like a dick.
SARAH: But I work for him.
GOD: Get a Fox show.
SARAH: You think I'm good on TV?
GOD: Radio.