Thread by @UrsulaV

Ok, since I can tweet or scream, and screaming scares the chickens...

That graphic. About the “herbal birth control.” That suggested injecting neem oil in your uterus and eating three figs and a pennyroyal smoothie.

I am watching people on various threads say “well, if abortion is illegal, we’ll have to do this.”

No. If abortion is illegal, you still don’t have to inject insecticide into your uterus. The ancient Egyptians using crocodile dung as birth control, but nobody’s doing THAT.

This is not an either/or scenario! These are not abortion-y options! This is just WATCH HOW DEAD YOU CAN GET!

And then there’s this...handle clipped so I don’t send a howling mob HOWEVER JUSTIFIED after them...

There are no older women with “proper use knowledge” of how to shoot neem oil into your uterus. None. Not one. Nor are there older women with the “proper use knowledge” to give you pennyroyal without turning your liver into goulash.

One might be able to tell you how to eat figs.

Jesus H. Frog, I know y’all want a village wisewoman radiating...I dunno, mystic healing crone energy or something, but an older woman at this point is probably your grandma, and I don’t know about you, but my grandma told me to eat carrots so I wouldn’t get scurvy.

She was amazing and had serious skills in all kinds of things, but her home remedy for everything was hot instant Countrytime lemonade. She didn’t know an herb from a hole in the ground.

But if you must have a mystic elder herbwife dispensing wisdom, I’m forty-one, I can ID a lot of herbs, and I’m telling you OH MY GOD DON’T DO THIS.

You’ll end up pregnant and dead, or pregnant and with a killer infection or just pregnant and with a lot of figs.

That is all.