Thread by @wordofgreen

So, literally no one asked me for this but I've been thinking about it a lot so this is going to be a thread about victim blaming. I write about death. A lot. Especially when I worked nightside news, if there's a tragic way to die I've written about it.

And when you vicariously watch people grieve over and over you pick up some things. And one thing is that people are drawn to tragedy. Especially when the details are unusual. And that can feel very exploitative some of the time.

So you start asking: How can I make this not be "grief porn". And often times it's finding ways to share someone's story and impact. Other times all you can do is inform folks so maybe they can be safer. And not just inform but bring the consequence to life. Make it real.

Seat belts and helmets are two obvious ones. Wildlife safety tips another. When I do accidental drownings I try to link off or list out little-know facts--did you know a child can drown in just inches of water? Most of these grieving parents didn't know that.

So then you start talking about victim blaming in the context of victims of domestic violence. Rape. Murder. I've written a pile of those as well. Crime docs that will make your skin crawl. I don't watch crime shows anymore.

And all of these misguided folks come out and try and do what I just did for seat belts and helmets but with questions about what someone was wearing. What they'd been drinking. Who they met and where and when. How that couldn't happen to their loved one.

But a murderer isn't a patch of icy road. A rapist isn't a bucket of water left unattended for a kid to fall face first into. Predators aren't natural phenomenon or accidents. They are people making choices to harm others.

So when you treat a predator like a force of nature or a fact of life what you're really saying is that we give up on changing the culture that makes predation so prevalent. You've accepted it as unavoidable truth that must be adjusted for rather than fixed.

And that puts the burden on victims and absolves perpetrators. *But, Becca!" You say, presumably." These things are crimes. Accountability happens."

Bull shit. I saw a story today about a rapist who did 45 days in jail. 45.

There are so many predators getting wrist slaps, or even tickles, because they're from a good family or have potential or are a bread winner or whatever awful reasons we use to tell victims over and over and over and over and over that the attackers' pain matters more than theirs

So, the accountability is lacking.

Which brings me back to victim blaming. Most of the advice we've heard about MacKenzie Lueck and dozens of other women doesn't keep women safe. All it does is ensure the predator goes for someone else. An easier target.

We treat victims of DV and sexual assault and etc like acceptable losses. And you probably hear that and want to argue with me. Want to say that's not true.

But why do we have Brock Turners? Why don't we change laws about stalking and harassment?
Strengthen DV punishments?

Why do we give victims a paper shield and call it a protective order? Anecdotally speaking, most DV homicides I've personally covered have involved a protective order. So clearly it isn't protecting people.

And on the subject of prior, most sex assault suspects I've covered are sex offenders or have a prior history or multiple victims.

I keep writing disgusting stories about vile attacks only to learn its a third or fourth or more offense. Why weren't they incarcerated?

And the answer is that we consider victims, primarily women, of these crimes acceptable losses. It's the only conclusion because it just keeps happening. Endlessly. I write them with numbing regularity and the nouns change but the details are hauntingly familiar.

So when we look at the balance of all of that and go "Well, she should have...."

What we're really saying is figure it out sweetie because we don't care and you're on your own. Predation is baked into this world and it's your job to avoid it. Your pain doesn't matter

And it tells predators to keep on preying. Because the smokescreens and excuses and passes we keep providing just keep on coming. They know to get her drunk so her testimony will be discounted. They know to isolate her so it's her word vs his. They know to "look good on paper"

These monsters keep abusing the system and we keep cheerfully condemning their victims and rushing to make it just as easy for the next one.

No one deserves to be raped. No one deserves to be murdered. It doesn't matter your gender. Your outfit. The time, place or day. No one.

And if we actually adopted that view maybe we'd start supporting victims and holding predators accountable.

Personally I think that would be a good thing and thus concludes my thread.

Also, this came to fruition thanks in part to some great insights I've seen recently from @emrazz and @JessicaValenti and more that I'm blanking on at the moment. The more people discuss these issues the more we all start to tear down those baked in biases.

Also @AllisonRFloyd and @AnneFromTheChi