, 16 tweets, 5 min read Read on Twitter
*Sigh* after weeks of yo-yo-ing optimism I can now clearly see what PM Boris is going to do in the next weeks and months... and us #Remainers aren't going to like it.

Here goes... *DEPRESSING THREAD WARNING!* #brexit #borisjohnson (1/?)
(1) Boris with his unique style is the one man who can reunite the majority of the Conservative Party into agreeing to May's Deal.

He will sit down with the 1922 & probably the ERG to tell them it's May's Deal or disaster (GE, 2nd Ref, Brexit Party decimation)...
(2) And they will sign up to it!

Every one of them.

Because it will cease to be "May's Deal" & become "Boris' Deal". Boris, co-leader of the Leave campaign. Boris the great marketeer (bullshitter). Boris their last final hope to salvage Brexit & the Tory Party.
(3) And remember "May's Deal" is quite a Hard Brexit. If ERGers climb back down the ladder & see that, they will jump at it.

No Customs Union.

Control of Borders.

Free Trading Buccaneering.

Everything they want.
(4) The little problem of the Irish Border will be pushed onto the backburner. They can sign up to the backstop really, let everything get sorted out in transition.

That's all problems for 2021/2022.

They just need to get through the next week, the next month & the next year
(5) Of course there will be some Tory defections but less than if he was pursuing No Deal.

He's knows better than to really pursue No Deal, by the way, all the talk of it is just threat and bluster.

And he does that better than Theresa May ever did!
(6) Plus there will be 10-50(!) Labour MPs who will sign up to it, just to get Brexit over with.

Some because they believe in it. Some because their constituencies are Leave. Others because it will cement the "Tory Brexit" narrative they are happy to sign up to & bash later...
(7) So Brexit will happen. Maybe not by the 31st October but sooner or later. Possible before the end of the year.

And all the difficult stuff will be pushed into the transition period. New trade deals. Future relationship. Ireland.
(8) And the world won't end. Food will stay on the supermarket shelves. The M27 wont' become a car park. Because we will still be in a standstill transition...

But the Brexiteers will crow. Oh yes they will crow. "WE LEFT AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENED" "PROJECT FEAR"
(9) So what happens then? When the Tories should be working on Trade Deals and thinking about the Future Relationship and Ireland etc...

You guessed it...

(10) Now this gets dark (what, it wasn't already?)

How will Tories run a GE? Specifically how will shady Boris Johnson run the next GE, after Brexit has happened?

Why, with his secret best friend Nigel 'Fucking' Farage...
(11) With Brexit 'happened', Farage will be able to dissolve his Brexit Party (NB: not a 'party', just a private ltd company) and fold his lot into the Tories.

BXP is purely the cult of Farage, so what he says go.
(12) Nige becomes the power-maker and facilitator for Boris... telling every BXP voter to vote for local Conservatives who voted for the deal, and recalling those who didn't.

Nige has taken over the Tories by the back door.
(13) Nige, newly unemployed as an MEP, will then JOIN THE TORY PARTY! Along with a few of the 'better' BXP MEPs like Nancy Rees-Mogg etc...

He will claim he needs a seat at the table to negotiate Britain's future relationship with the EU & trade deals with USA...!

A stronger majority than Theresa May had.

Labour is split & self-immolating. LibDems just won't be strong enough. Remain vote will split while the Leave vote will unite behind Tories (no BXP). Boris will rule without the DUP, fucking Ireland for good.
(14) and then Nigel Farage joins the cabinent (Brexit Sec? Trade? Foreign Office? Heaven forbid...) and the world ends. Cue 5 years of more Brexit arguments, false promises and fake news.

In the end we are all dead.

Now I'm off to apply for an Irish passport...
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