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mike pence's first wife, lilith
@jon_snow_420
, 12 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
me: hello christian grey. i have some interview questions for you
mister grey: ah yes
me: shut up. ahem. you are majorly creepy. did you ever kill anyone? i have. i said it was an accident but there was a definite moment when i made a choice
mister grey: excuse me
me: shut up
me: you like to stalk women. do you also enjoy wetting the bed and setting fires
grey: no
me: yes you do. i'm writing down YES. if you could be an animal, what animal would you be
grey: -
me: wrong. you are already an animal, because that's what humans are
grey: this is a terrible interview
me: i agree. you havent asked me even one question you rude bugger
grey: you haven't taken off your sunglasses
me: because i do not respect you
me: can i tell you a secret
grey: no
me: good choice
grey: your clumsiness is endearing somehow
me: i'm not clumsy. i'm on ketamine
grey: i have stalked you to your work at the hardware store
me: i don't work here. i'm just picking up crowbashers
grey: do you mean crowbars
me: i mean shovels i use to bash crows. long story short, you make enemies with one crow, you are enemies with ALL crows
grey: why do you need more than one shovel
me: bashing a crow so hard the handle snaps in twain earns you respect. from the other crows but also from your neighbour emily
grey: who's emily
me: how much time do you have
grey: i don't make love. i fuck, hard
me: no offence but you do not do either of those things
me: dude you can't break into my house
grey: why are you playing xbox in a garfield onesie
me: i hate mondays
grey: it's saturday
me: i hate whatever day this is
grey: did you read the sex contract i sent you
me: i skimmed it and then i posted it on reddit
grey: what
me: and i sent a copy to the police. lol
grey: i'm a billionaire, the police can't do anything to me
me: yeah i was kidding about the police. i sent it to my uncles
grey: who are your uncles
me: it's more what they do than what they "are" but you could call them cannibals
the rest of the movie is pretty much just my rowdy uncles chasing christian grey through the woods and at the end he gets eaten
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mike pence's first wife, lilith
@jon_snow_420
don draper: when people think of ypur brand, they think of children. heres how we make that work for us
pete: as long as we dont show any prurient material of the child, i suppose
don: no, Campbell. we're going to show the child urinate
pete: but don
don: this child is born in blood and raised to piss
roger: I like the part where the kid peeps at a naked woman through a keyhole
don: the child's sexual awakening is crucial to the story, of your sandwiches
exec: when do we see the sandwhic
don: never
Read 4 tweets
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Dr Charlotta Lofqvist S.J.
@jon_snow_420
folks, a man and his son, they get into an accident. car accident, should never happen, you hate to see it. but it happens. and it's happening more and more. and at the hospital, oh boy. the surgeon's not gonna do the operation. she's not gonna do it! she won't.... do it. no way
and you're thinking, why won't she do it? and this was happening, this started, under the obamacare. this happened when obamacare was on. and the little boy,he needs surgery! you know i was in a crash, didn't need surgery. they said he's fine. he's strong! he's the strongest man
and so there's a surgeon, not gonna do her job. unbelievable. but what she says, is, she says there's a problem. and it's a problem and she can't do her job, just on this little boy. and you're thinking, why this little boy? i know! it's hard to comprehend!
Read 6 tweets
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Dr Charlotta Lofqvist S.J.
@jon_snow_420
why do women like jerks? firstly, they don't. secondly i only go out with terrible men because all men are terrible and when you meet a nice one you're just waiting for the other terrible shoe to drop
dan has a ponytail and a shirt that says IGUANA DAD but mark is a man neighbours will later describe as "quiet" "kept to himself" "child murderer"
ian has a steady job and brings you flowers but also believes greek people have a gene for homosexuality. you will not learn this until you've been married three years and are expecting a baby
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