Thread by @HNIJohnMiller

1) Well, impeachment's about to start again?

Well fuck that noise.

Crack open the bottles.

Drop in a bit of ice.

Pour in the bourbon.

NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MIX ANYTHING ELSE IN THERE YOU FUCKING BARBARIAN! PHILISTINE! HERETIC! IT IS BOURBON ON THE ROCKS.

STORY TIME.

2) Yesterday, I covered the hoplites. And yes, it is still pronounced hop-lee-tays. Not hop-lights. Hop-lee-tays. Be a fucking cool kid and say it like that in your head when you read this.

https://twitter.com/HNIJohnMiller/status/1194616301995659264

3) Now, the hoplite phalanx, it was a pretty simple concept. Get in real close together, form a thick wall of spears and shields, and nobody in their right mind would fucking charge into it.

4) This wasn't a perfect formation, but for a mountainous country like Greece with a lot of narrow valleys and passes, it was great. Smaller companies of a hundred or so men could hold a mountain pass, present a phalanx as a wall, and fucking nobody is getting past that.

5) The problems were manifold as soon as the tight constricting boundaries were removed.

First, as I covered in my other thread, your flanks were exposed, especially the phalanx's left flank where you didn't have a buddy to cover your back.

6) So, to counter this, an army's most experienced soldiers, the ones with the most discipline and iron will, were put on the flanks, as they were less likely to freak out.

Remember this: Greek armies had their most experienced on the flanks, rather than the center.

7) The second large weakness of the phalanx was that generally, it was immobile. It could advance, retreat, or shift side to side, but for any real speed the formation would have to be broken up and reformed.

8) It could expand or decrease its 'frontage', ie the amount of space it covered in a battle line, by thinning its ranks. Typically you'd see 8 ranks deep or so as the 'standard'; any less, and it was narrow enough to break through, thicker was inefficient but difficult to break.

9) Enough frontage meant they could extend around an opponent's flank, but the phalanx then became thin and brittle.

So, generally, they'd get in their 8 deep blocks and press the enemy.

Keep in mind, as I said in my last thread, who were IN these phalanxes.

10) Each 'company' was made of you and all of your gym bros from the local ymca. You're all landowners, you all have slaves tending to your fields, and you all are part of the same homeowners association, the same neighborhood. You buy your own gear, b/c you have that kind of $$$

11) 'Well fuck', Antonidas your go-to spotter when you're doing deadlifts says as you're all gearing up for battle. 'These Persian shitstains that landed nearby have like, archers and cavalry and shit. They're going to get around our flanks, they're gonna shoot us. What do?'

12) That, my friends, is where peltasts come in.

Now, to note, there's a lot of debate on what 'peltast' means. Commonly accepted consensus says it refers to the shield that was used, a far lighter shield than the big bronze motherfucker the hoplites carried.

13) The 'peltast' soldier was thus referring to at the time (again, 500-400 bc, Persian Wars to the Peloponnesian Wars; once you're dealing with the rise of Thebes followed by Macedon its a different deal entirely) a skirmisher who would use javelins, rock slings, etc.

14) Obviously, this shit was FAR FAR cheaper than fitting yourself out as a hoplite.

So, you'd get slaves, the poor people, and such who'd fill out the ranks as skirmishers, dancing in and out of range of their javelins and keeping enemies off their flanks.

15) This isn't to say peltasts were *bad* per se, they weren't the heavy infantry badasses that were hoplites of course. But, a group of skilled peltasts could pick even a hoplite phalanx apart if it didn't have support. See the Battle of Lechaeum.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of…

16) This isn't to say, either, that the peltasts were always brought along. Sometimes, like if the Greeks were teamed up with some barbarians, the Greek Hoplites would take up the center, and the barbarians would cover the flanks.

17) This arrangement worked out just fine for the barbarians, usually, as standard practice through all of time from the ancient/classic era to medieval times would usually put their less valuable troops on the flanks with their elites at the center.

The hoplites meanwhile DGAF.

18) So, we've got the hoplite covered, we've got the phalanx and its strengths and weakness covered.

Strength: DGAF. WILL FUCK YOUR COUCH.

Weakness: Immobile while said couch fucking commences.

Literally, Greek hoplites NEVER CHARGED. Can't do a phalanx while charging.

19) We've also covered how they handle these weaknesses; taking poor people and slaves, giving them light shields and javelins, and telling them 'aim pointy bits at enemies and throw as hard as those weak spindly arms can throw.

20) Next thread, the Miracle at Marathon, or 'what happens when this all goes out the fucking window.'

And no it wasn't the dude running 20-odd miles and then dying of a fucking heart attack that was the miracle.

It was something far, FAR crazier.

/end