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And we're back with another @awscloud keynote--so many questions!

Will @werner be there? Will he break @ajassy's perfect streak of "just white men in the keynote?" What will he announce? It's livetweet thread time! #reinvent
"There's no compression algorithm for experience" says @werner, which is why @awscloud charges per gigabyte-month for it. #reinvent
"What never changes for our customers?" Easy; the @awscloud status page. #reinvent
"This is what a modern API-driven architecture looks like with modern virtualization" and now VMware is screaming. #reinvent
"I wonder why @werner is belaboring the security features of Nitro?"

Recall that Larry Ellison's keynote at Oracle OpenWorld was full of lies about how "customers can access the EC2 control plane" because he's a lying sack of shit as well as a bad person. #reinvent
Now @werner is talking about the Nitro Enclave (coming in 2020). It protects your code from your own staff with access to the instance. #reinvent
And now @clare_liguori takes the stage to talk about Firecracker! #reinvent
It's called "Firecracker" because you'll try to build your own Lambda with it and probably blow your damn hands off in the process. #reinvent
"I'm now using Fargate for this demo" says @clare_liguori. "I'm using the Fargate EKS variant that we just announced" because she presumably lost a bet. #reinvent
"Firecracker microVMs are incredibly fast and lightweight" says @clare_liguori.

"Hmm, maybe we can use them as #reinvent badge scanning Attack Interns in 2020" muses @datadog.
Now @clare_liguori is talking about Nitro enhancements. I'm going to be sad if a subcomponent somewhere isn't named "Glycerine." #reinvent
I hope @werner feels sheepish about this #reinvent slide.
And now Vanguard's exec who's... I dunno, didn't catch his title so I'll assume he's Jack Bogle's grandson. #reinvent
"We needed to modernize our stack." Yes, Vanguard did. I love their model (owned by their own funds), but their web and mobile experience was so bad I moved to Fidelity. #reinvent
"And some of our cloud staff are in the audience here at #reinvent now!"

*a dozen people clap*

"Thanks, guys."

Huh, I didn't realize Vanguard only hired men...
YES! @Vanguard_Group uses Route 53, the best database! #reinvent
Hell yes, Route 53 is so awesome--wait is that a mainframe #reinvent
"We got into a pure consumption model, Lambda and DynamoDB as we decompose the monolith." Touches on the @awscloud bill aspects of this.

Very curious to know how he models that at a company like Vanguard. It's a variable cost but it can be tied to business metrics. #reinvent
Okay, my snark aside this is an awesome customer story. @awscloud

We can't all be born in the cloud Twitter for Pets companies. Vanguard's mission and company are noble, and their migration is noteworthy. #reinvent
Ooh, @werner changed shirts! Sadly it's still not an AMI shirt. #reinvent
So @awscloud's S3 is now 262 microservices.


Your simple backend service does not require this! They're not Pokémon; you need not catch them all! #reinvent
"Like I always say, 'Everything fails. All the time.'" --@werner

Man, I didn't realize he was such a downer at parties. ☹️
"This is the value of cell-based architectures" says @werner.

The Goldman Sachs CEO from @ajassy's #reinvent keynote mishears this as "sell-based architecture" and immediately goes long on buy-based architectures.
I love this part of @werner's #reinvent keynote. It's incredibly complex conceptually, and he does his best to break it down to the point where morons like me can understand it.

It matters because I don't have to think about this, because @awscloud already has.
Now talking about shuffle sharding.

It's still complicated, but it's partially why Route 53 can publish a 100% SLA. #reinvent

It distills down to highly constraining blast radius to effectively nothing.
Launching the Amazon Builders' Library
Articles on the things they've learned that we can apply ourselves.

I found out what I'm doing with my time off at the end of the month; thanks @werner!
Now @werner hands off to the COO of @saildrone. They might make drones, but I'm not sure. I'm cautious about that assumption ever since I got it wrong about @crowdstrike. #reinvent
For the few comments I'm seeing that crap on various #reinvent speakers' stage presence, it's clear that you haven't given talks to large audiences yourselves. It is ludicrously hard.

Perhaps exhibit more empathy; failing that, perhaps shut your damned mouth.
Pretty bold of @werner to talk about Amazon's 1 and 2 day shipping options with CloudFront distribution update times being what they are. #reinvent
And now @werner made @paulchinjr's year at #reinvent! #praisecage
#reinvent Now we hear about how AWS is being used in @VW.

Completely fair, since I use Volkswagen in @awscloud.

Meanwhile, backstage at the #reinvent keynote:

@werner frantically tears several t-shirt racks apart. "I know it was here somewhere! I *know* I had a 'three-syllables' shirt from the fundraiser. Where is it?! Where is it?!"

It's okay, Dr. Vogels. It's a big day.
Usually architecture diagrams are lies. What makes VW's @awscloud architecture neat is that the lies themselves are an actual microservice. #reinvent
And thus concludes the keynote with no #reinvent re:play entertainment announcement. See you out there, @awscloud folks.

If you enjoy my humor, consider subscribing to lastweekinaws.com, or the @awsmorningbrief podcast.
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