Virtually every narrative designed to combat rape culture is misrepresented and adulterated by apologists (see e.g., “believe women). Distortions are intended to discredit the existence of rape culture entirely - most importantly, the prevalence (vs. existence) of rapists.
You’ve likely heard the [true] assertion that rape is about control, not sex, and if you’re a victim, you likely understand it well. For those who aren’t listening or don’t care to be, though, it has a tendency to relegate perspectives into the rapists-jump-out-of-bushes bin.
Yes, some rapists are sadistic fucks who get off on helplessness, but 70% of rapes are perpetrated by an acquaintance, not a stranger. A rapist usually looks and acts like, well, possibly any of the men you know. And yes, a lot of them want sex - but it’s still about control.
Control means controlling the situation. Sitting in the drivers seat. Action taken based on your inclination alone. When the decision to have sex is unilateral, that’s a decision to rape. Silent agreement, silent acquiescence, and silent dissent all sound the same.
Problematic socialization of gendered sexual roles plays a role, of course, but it’s more than that. Virtually no bilateral interaction between two adults operates legitimately with unilateral consent to participate - we ask friends to hang out. We show up to work for a paycheck.
And when interactions aren’t bilateral, we recognize them as disnormative, even violative - the assumptive friend, the invasive family member, the boss who doesn’t pay, the too-close stranger on the train. So why would the decision to penetrate someone’s body ever be unilateral?
Because rape is about control.
And control over another is driven entitlement, conscious or unconscious apathy toward the way you affect others, and prioritizing yourself to the benefit of your wants or needs.
Privilege, in a nutshell.
And control over another is driven entitlement, conscious or unconscious apathy toward the way you affect others, and prioritizing yourself to the benefit of your wants or needs.
Privilege, in a nutshell.
So when women talk about rape culture, we still mean you, even if you’re not a rapist, because unless you listen and reframe your interactions accordingly (which includes not prioritizing your ego over our harm) you act like one.
And you provide safe harbor for those who are. //
And you provide safe harbor for those who are. //
