I really despise the "trans women athletes have a competitive advantage!" lie because the biggest reason I'm not on estrogen is that my mitochondrial condition leaves me with so little core strength I'm not sure I could function on it. I already struggle with exterior doors.
A medically transitioned trans woman has *less* testosterone than an otherwise similar cis woman, and this affects muscle mass, bone density, energy use. Very very exceptional trans woman athletes may set records, but that's the nature of athletics.
I've been doing exercises to try to see if I can build some upper body strength but I have inefficiencies in increasing muscle mass and I also have inefficiencies in getting my muscle cells the fuel to do the exercises that would do so.
If I can't, then going on estrogen and undergoing the changes it causes would be rolling the dice that I'd be even further disabled and less able to navigate an inaccessible world.
And even if I can, it's still a gamble, just with better odds.
And even if I can, it's still a gamble, just with better odds.
Contra to the propaganda, most trans women athletes who transitioned did better competing in male divisions with a testosterone-charged body than they did after their "second puberty". There's no statistical or medical evidence of the supposed advantage.
There are exceptions, but again, athletic results depend on the exceptional characteristics of statistically variable people. Otherwise it would just be a coin toss.
I might in the next couple years decide to go on estrogen anyway. My body image when I'm fully dressed is close enough to my self image that dysphoria is manageable... but that makes certain activities and contexts impossible to navigate without dysphoria.
Boy, look at that last paragraph. If I were to say something so blunt as "I'd really like it if I could have some tits that don't come off when I take my bra off," they'd say it's proof that I'm an "autogynephile" with a breast fetish and not a woman struggling with body issues.
Anyway, there are many reasons to hate the anti-trans propaganda, from the way it impacts trans athletes to the way it distorts the entire field of female athletics and puts suspicion on tall women, Black women, muscular women, anyone who doesn't fit the white feminine ~*ideal*~.
It doesn't directly impact me. I will never be a competitive athlete and my body is soft and therefore "feminine".
But I hate it more because the reality it obscures is why estrogen is not safe/viable for me. If "male puberty" could override adult hormone changes, I'd be fine.
But I hate it more because the reality it obscures is why estrogen is not safe/viable for me. If "male puberty" could override adult hormone changes, I'd be fine.
I have decided to do what workouts are safe for me to do and then decide, around my 42nd birthday, if I want to roll the dice or not. Going off estrogen would be an option if it's a disaster, mitigating some of the effects. But it might be psychologically crushing.
(That's a little over two years from now, for reference.)
