In the midst of the last week, I lost mindfulness. I was in a reactive state all week. Threat-react. Threat-react. It's impossible to feel like the best version of myself for patients like that. In #pedpc, children are still dying of other things. 1/
Time slows down and stops when a child dies, of anything.
And I have done my best to show up as a #hapc doc, for my patients, their families and my team. But I failed in many ways this week.
2/
And I have done my best to show up as a #hapc doc, for my patients, their families and my team. But I failed in many ways this week.
2/
I was rocking my baby Wednesday night. This is an emotional touchstone for me. This is when I center, when I feel like the best version of myself. My abilities match her needs perfectly. The stress falls away, and we rock. I was able to center for the first time all week.
3/
3/
And then by the next morning, it was gone again. Threat-react. Threat-react.
I am WFH for a bit now, to decrease exposure within our team. This will help. I think.
We have a new schedule, so I know what to expect. This will help. I think.
4/
I am WFH for a bit now, to decrease exposure within our team. This will help. I think.
We have a new schedule, so I know what to expect. This will help. I think.
4/
Intra-team stress is real. Hairline cracks can become fissures instantaneously. We all cope differently.
I want to be infinitely compassionate but I'm trying to preserve that energy for my patients, and my own kids. I'm not perfect.
5/
I want to be infinitely compassionate but I'm trying to preserve that energy for my patients, and my own kids. I'm not perfect.
5/
And the onslaught of emails!
THE ONSLAUGHT OF EMAILS.
6/
THE ONSLAUGHT OF EMAILS.
6/
This is a marathon.
I have space now to find a practice to try to grow. Journaling. Meditation. Running. Baking. Self forgiveness when I disappoint myself. Try to breathe. Be in a growth mindset. It's ok not to be perfect, now more than ever.
8/
I have space now to find a practice to try to grow. Journaling. Meditation. Running. Baking. Self forgiveness when I disappoint myself. Try to breathe. Be in a growth mindset. It's ok not to be perfect, now more than ever.
8/
If I can't be totally present and mindful all the time, I will at least continue to try to be at my best for my patients and my family.
Our best is good enough, guys. Even if it's not what we want it to be.
/end
Our best is good enough, guys. Even if it's not what we want it to be.
/end
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