When I was 16 my best mate was raped by another friend of ours. She left his house & came straight to my place, I saw the bruises and marks on her body & held her as she sobbed. No one had ever prepared me for how to support a rape victim.
Back then I believed in justice & to my shame I convinced her to report it to the cops. I went with her. 3 YEARS later I testified in court on her behalf. In that time she had been ostrasized, spat on & had WHORE written on her locker at school.
Overwhelmingly our friends sided with him. His defence tried to say she had "wanted it", talked about her motives for being at his house, what she was wearing - the whole bit. Seeing what she went through I felt sick that I suggested she report the rape.
In the end he was found guilty, he was given a 2 yr sentence with a year suspended. She had to live in a town where the majority felt SHE had ruined HIS life. She never experienced anything close to 'normal' in that town again.
A year after the trial was over I was raped by a "friend". Having had first hand experience of the way the justice system works & the way victims are treated I knew I wasn't going to report. Last year I rang the RCC to ask them to put the rapes that happened to me on their stats.
I wanted what happened to me to be counted somewhere, but I was never going to report to the cops & I would never again suggest to any victim that they report either. The system is not victim-friendly, it doesn't encourage people to come forward, it actively discourages it.
I have numerous horrendous stories of rape victims being beaten to a pulp by our justice system. Women who didn't hear from Gardai for MONTHS after having reported a neighbour for raping them, women who were belittled when they went to report and asked what were they wearing...
It's fucking depressing. We must do better. I'm exhausted by just how awful it all is :(
