Thread by @HNIJohnMiller

docs.house.gov/meetings/IG/IG…

1) And now for a day in the life of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. This is monday's meeting of the HPSCI. The names and transcript is real. The snarky bullshit and lampooning of their discussions are also real, but they're from me.

2) Let us begin on page 3, the letter of the piece of Schiff, which was entered into the record I believe as a subtle way of embarrassing that Schiffhole for being such a whiny bitch.

3) The letter states as such: "I'm gonna say that I'm releasing my own memo reluctantly, but in reality I'm hopped up on fucking opioids and I didn't write the memo myself, one of my staffers whom I endlessly attempt to grope did."

4) "I want to pose as though I give a damn about the integrity and honor about our law enforcement, but I made sure the intern crammed so many sources and methods in here that there's more classified material than Hillary's email server in the memo. Redact THAT, bitches."

5) Now we get back to Nunes, who proceeds to lampoon the absolute FUCK out of the Democrats' actions. First off, he notes that not nearly as many representatives had gotten to read the document yet. As of Monday afternoon, more Republicans than Democrats had read Schiff's memo.

6) That's right; this memo that Democrats want released so bad? Most of them hadn't even read the damn thing. L O FUCKING L.

7) Next he comments on the obscene amount of classified information on sources and methods in the memo, and that the FBI and Director of the FBI hadn't had a chance to review the memo either. Apparently Wray did in fact review the Nunes memo himself. Fake News BTFO.

8) Despite all this, Nunes is STILL calling for the release of the memo. Bluff: Called. He opens the floor for comments, and asks the Schiffty bastard if he wants to comment.

9) Schiff sucker responds, and admits that the memo was written specifically in response to the Nunes memo, and not painstakingly prepared as Nunes' memo was (and coordinated with a larger memo rollout with Grassley. The Dems are officially on the defense. REJOICE!)

10) Schiff continues his screeching and claims the FBI and DoJ backed him in not wanting the memo released, and claims it was terrible for the nation that it was and was full of inconsistencies (despite it being declared a nothingburger. You cannot have it both ways, Schiffhead.)

11) "We NEVER VOTED ON THE SECOND ONE!!!!" Oh, you mean with changes you and the FBI requested and grammatical corrections? "It revealed SO MUCH, like how senior officials need to sign off on it and renewals require new information and Christopher Steele's work with the FBI!"

12) washingtonpost.com/news/early-lea… We already knew that Christopher Steele and the FBI had a long-standing relationship where the FBI considered him a reliable source, for one.

13) Second, the FISA court processes have been known for years by anyone willing to dig around, and has been the source of a lot of controversy... in the Obama era, where the President fought to keep the bulk collection happening as much as possible. theguardian.com/world/2015/jun…

14) "It disclosed the names of investigators and officials!" That we've known for over a year now. Congrat-u-fucking-lations, you dumbSchiff. You all aren't as clever as you think you are.

15) "It... it... IT REVEALED THAT PAPASMURFALOUS WAS THE START, NOT CARTER PAGE!!"

16) theguardian.com/us-news/2017/j… Nope, started earlier than that, and it was initially on 4 Trump associates, and it failed. TWICE.

17) Schiff then goes on to bitch about how they could have asked the Inspector General to look into FISA (Newsflash: he probably already is).

They did. It was being abused more than an intern by a Democrat president. techdirt.com/articles/20170…

18) He then declares that the memo was solely for the benefit of Trump's personal validation, because TDS is a STD and I won't get into why ALLLLLL the Democrats seem to have it.

19) Page 8 for those following along. "Our memo's better because yours is LIES! We included WAY MORE classified information! And cocaine! And hookers!"

20) Oh fuck this next part is good. OHHHH FUCK. To paraphrase: "We're wasting too much time on memos, we have our 4 pillars to focus on! What did the Russians do to undermine our democracy, did they coordinate with the Trump campaign, and how can we protect ourselves?!?"

21) I'm just going to let you all mull over that one for a second.

22) "Oh, and apparently we're done with looking at FISA which means we have to smear and defame the state department! Well, you all just wait until I tell all of my media buddies during my bathroom break at the next classified hearing about all the stuff I don't like!"

Pausing for a moment, will continue momentarily.

23) Next, Rep Turner steps up to plate, and holy hell does he open the floodgates.

24) The Nunes memo was about abuse of the FISA system, specifically the use of unverified opposition research to get a FISA warrant and renewals without revealing that it was paid for by the Clinton campaign and the DNC and made to be used AGAINST Trump.

25) Schiffhead's memo does not dispute any of that. It does not dispute who paid for it or that it was unverified or that it was used as evidence

26) He continues that there was no national crisis or secret information or grand tragedy that resulted like Democrats and the Fake News screeched about.

27) Next up is Representative Quigley. Holy SHIT this guy's name makes him sound like a little piece of Schiff.

28) I was right. He is.

29) "You should have done all this when we were doing the FISA 702 reauthorization, you're insincere because you didnt do it then!" Well I dunno, Quibbles, Schiff was just complaining about how the memo took up 2 and a half weeks of time, maybe y'all were BUSY

30) "You would have allowed more time for FBI to weigh in!" I dunno, maybe see above, maybe the memo wasn't ready yet, maybe this is part of a larger plan to destroy your party you dumbfuck.

31) "Now give me an answer." "No, I'm not answering questions at this time." "GIVE ME AN ANSWER REEEEEEEEE!!!"

32) This goes back and forth a few more times. STFU Squigley. Also, Squidworth. Yeah, he is now Squidworth. Whiny little bitch.

33) Next is Representative Hurd. As in I Hurd you like asswhoopin's.

34) Apparently the Schiffy memo had all kinds of classified shit in it when they first tried to pass it, and NONE of it was removed. WOW.

35) Oh, this gets GOOD. HOLY FUCK THIS GETS GOOD. Bottom of page 13, then continues on 14. You need to read the conversation.

36) Hurd is laying out what he claims are some easy fixes to make the Schiffy memo less classified, and reveals he spent some time with the Schiffhead on it. Schiff steps in to claim that there was no concern about classified material in the Nunes memo.

37) HURD THEN GOES EMINEM ON SCHIFFHEAD'S BEYONCE-LOVING ASS TO SNATCH THE MIC BACK.

38) Direct quote, double plus good vindicating my thread about the Nunes memo. "There was nothing in the Republican memo that hadn't already been out in the public domain."

39) Schiffster then continues on with his point before about how much he's getting the FBI and DoJ to weigh in on the memo (and shit bricks on how much classified shit is in there probably) to which Hurd responds, "Oh, so you see my point? Good."

40) Next up is Himes, who acknowledges Turner's points, and then says it doesn't matter that the Steele dossier was opposition research.

41) "Oh, its no big deal for law enforcement or FBI to pay for information!" That's not the problem, dumbass. It was opposition research.

42) See, here's the problem that this asshole doesn't see or doesn't want to talk about. This was specifically opposition research. It was paid to be as damaging as possible. And unverified.

43) And then USED AS EVIDENCE. FOR A FISA WARRANT. It was all BASED ON RUMORS AND HEARSAY.

44) There is then a 3 way argument between him, Turner, and Schiff over whether the judge was told about the source of the Steele dossier. There... was not a consensus.

45) Next is Representative King, who brings up that Trump's lawyer Cohen never went to Prague as alleged in the Steele dossier.

46) In comes Swalwell, of Swalwelling Schiff fame, wanting to subpeona bank and travel records of Cohen, which King snaps back with the Democrats own style of point. "We already talked to him. You could have asked about all this then."

47) Schiff steps in for the one two punch of Swalwelling Schiff, and bitches about the majority not supporting subpeonas. Then Turner comes in for a snapback of his OWN!

48) The beatdown begins anew. "Oh I know your memo is all about defending the Steele dossier and you guys keep trying to subpeona information to prove the memo after the fact, AFTER THE DOSSIER WAS USED FOR A FISA WARRANT,"

49) "maybe the Democrats should have had more stringent requirements for its opposition research."

50) And KING COMES BACK IN FROM THE TURNBUCKLE!!! "Hey, why are we trying to prove whether Cohen's meeting happen? That was the FBI's job! That they didn't do before they got a FISA warrant based on the dossier!"

51)

52) Schiff: "Its irrelevant! Cohen is a red herring!"

King: "It was in the dossier. That was used for a FISA warrant."

Schiff: "But not all of it was used! Carter Page was the focus!"

King: "If part of the information in the dossier was false, it all might be. It wasn't."

53) Swalwell is next. What a fucking piece of shit. He alleges there is overwhelming evidence that the Trump campaign colluded with Russia. That they're undermining their investigation against Trump by releasing all this information.

54) I mean, jesus christ, these Democrats are just fucking BITCHING. You're investigating whether Russia interfered, your key suspect is Carter Page who is either crazy or undercover FBI or both, and the dossier is a pile of shit.

55) "Just because this was all reported publicly doesn't mean it was public knowledge!" -.- "The DoJ never acknowledge their sources or information!" Who the fuck do you think leaked it, Schiff? I mean, well probably. >.>

56) "Papaderpolous! Flynn talked to an ambassador!" Ignoring that he did so with the permission of the Obama administration you dishonorable fuck

57) Swalwelling Schiff tag team occurs. "You're attacking the FISA COURT! Reeeeee!!!!"

58) Wenstrup next, who first lets King point out that if part of the dossier was provably false, the rest should have been investigated BEFORE BEING USED AS EVIDENCE FOR A FISA WARRANT FFS.

59) "I'm not a lawyer thank fuck, but if we have a court system where the accused DOESNT GET TO DEFEND THEMSELVES, it would be nice if the FBI would fucking verify the evidence it used."

60) Turner gets to speak up. "The Nunes memo is not contradicted by the Schiffy memo, and the point isn't whether its LEGAL to use opposition research specifically written to be accusatory, its whether its RIGHT. Its not right. We need to change the legal bit."

61) New guys steps up, Rooney, and he reveals something interesting. The R's have been designating a few members to handle interviews out of efficiency, while D's have had more members going to them

62) The Democrats, the whole time, have been accusing R's of 'not showing up' to score cheap points. Rooney asks that they cut that shit out. Because they're a bunch of catty bitches.

63) You know, the sad thing is, you can tell who the Dems and who the R's are just by how much raw bitching is happening. Take Castro. Bitches about how they aren't subpeonaing communications for the people they interview

64) The fuck is it with Dems trying to turn the investigation into Big Brother Washington DC?!

65) He launches more accusations of the Nunes memo being coordinated with the White House. Refuses to hear any counterpoints. Accuses Turner of interrupting everyone (Even with Schiffhead jumping in constantly).

66) "Why won't Nunes answer any of our questions?!?" "Because I'm not here to entertain political theatre."

67) Turner wants to know if he can have a conversation with Castro on the topic. Nunes: "Well it is almost 6 o'clock, they have got to be outside for the news cameras." Page 30. These arent joke quotes.

68) Quigley bitches a bit more, then Sewell gets a turn. She sounds ALMOST REASONABLE. Until it devolves into Muh Russia. Then Schiff speaks again. "Send our letter! We demand the FBI and DoJ be consulted!"

69) Nunes: "I thought you already shared your memo with the DoJ and FBI."

DumbSchiff: "Um, I mean, the White House consult the DoJ and FBI! For all those redactions we'll call politically motivated!"

70) Carson follows up next. "Sooooo this memo to declassify stuff process... are we going to make this something anyone on the committee can do? Is it only for the chairman and ranking members?"

71) Nunes gets to slam dunk the answer: the process is open to any member, and the process already exists in the House rules. Boom.

72) Speier asks next if they can see the actual FISA application. Apparently, as per Nunes, there's only an unofficial agreement that the members of the House intel comm. can read it in a SCIF.

73) I'm... amused by the fact that none of the members who have been arguing the FISA application have actually seen it. WOW. Just... what the fuck.

74) Ladies and gentlemen, this is rock bottom. This... doesn't get any more fucking ridiculous. THIS IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ON A DAILY BASIS.

75) I'm done. I'm done with this. Back to shitposting. /end