A thread about the struggles of women in technology(the Nigerian edition).
Yesterday, I had a conversation with a young lady who is just starting out in tech. Midway into our conversation, she broke down. For the first 2 minutes, I was confused; did I say something wrong? Did I overstep my boundaries?
I honestly had no clue what I had done that triggered the emotion. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing but rather excused herself out of the room. My heart raced. What have I just done?
When she got back, regained composure, I asked what exactly was the problem, nothing prepared me for her response. In her words, "my family isn't happy with me." I asked what exactly was the problem, she mentioned that none of her family members approved of her career choice.
Their problem was that she is a woman, and had no business in a male-dominated industry. In her words, at any given opportunity, everyone made snide remarks about her jobs. They complained about how hard she worked, how she never had time for anything else other than work.
The taunted her about her "non-existent" social life and how she will never find a husband and be able to raise a family. What got me really upset about this issue was the fact that her mum was the ring leader.
It got me thinking, in 2018, why wouldn't a mother celebrate the fact that her daughter isn't only productive, but she's getting into an interesting industry and working hard to shatter the proverbial glass ceiling. Why taunt her instead of encouraging and celebrating her.
Keep in mind that this young woman graduated tops in her class, has a CS degree and from my interaction with her, she obviously has the technical chops to take on anything and most importantly...
...she is hungry for knowledge. She wants to learn as much as she can and as fast as she can. In just 5 months in the current company where she is currently serving, she was offered a full-time role after her NYSC. The company has seen a gem and they wouldn't take chances.
When she shared the news with family members, instead of celebrating with her, her announcement was met with contempt. Her parents want her to come back after NYSC and do something else. I asked what exactly they wanted her to come back and do...
... she responded they want her to come back home and take a non-demanding career. One that will allow her to "find a husband," because no man in his right senses wants a career woman. At this point, the veins in my right arm bulged. I just couldn't hide my anger.
"Your parents are already talking about marriage?" I asked, she said yes. And this is exactly the reason they don't just like her current job. It's too demanding. She is always in front of a computer. They worry she will never be able to raise a family with this lifestyle.
This young woman just turned 23. Like two and three. She has a whole of her life ahead of her. Why will her parents trouble her about marriage at this point? Why not let her soar, explore the world, pursue her interest and passion, make her own mistakes and grow into herself?
One time, she was part of a team that was working on a project and the deadline was closing in. To compensate for this, they all had to work overnight. When she got home the following day, he aunt, whom she currently lives with had called her parents and informed them...
...that she now sleeps outside. This is even after the fact that she had informed her aunt she will be working late due to a project deadline. For the next couple of days, all she ever heard at home was "how she works late and no man wants a woman who works overnight"
After narrating her ordeal, I spent the next 30 minutes talking to her about all the amazing women crushing it in tech, from my colleagues to the global icons - Sheryl Sandberg(Facebook), Meg Whitman(eBay & HP), Ginni Rometty(IBM), Safra Catz(Oracle)....
@badassboz Bozoma Sait John(Apple, Uber), @aunder April Underwood(Slack). I told her about the other amazing female engineering leads and managers I have met. I even mentioned to her that my former boss was a lady. At this point, her eyes lit. I could see the sparks.
I reminded her to follow her heart, pursue her dreams. I reminded her that when the time for a man comes, the man will come. For now, she should focus on being the best engineer she can possibly be.
I asked if I could speak to her parents, maybe if I told them that time I wrote JAMB four times just to get into medical school and how my amazing mum thought being referred to as "mama doctor" was cool, maybe, just maybe they will have a change of heart and let her do her thing.
She said she will get back to me. I worry she thinks it may backfire. This morning, I handed her a copy of Sarah Paulin's Going Rogue. I figured reading about the life of another woman may somehow keep the fire in her burning. 
I sincerely hope she doesn't crack and give in to pressure. To every lady out there trying to carve a niche for herself either in tech or any other industry, keep pushing. There's light at the end of this tunnel. Be well....
