Thread by @acatfromgreece

I've just taken part in my second ever telephone hearing. I'm sure posh civil barristers have these all the time, but they're pretty new in criminal cases.

It was HILARIOUS.

Six counsel were dialling in. First, we identified ourselves:

Clerk: 'Who is defending X?'

Counsel: 'I am [gives surname]'

Clerk: 'Your first name?'

Counsel: [inaudible]

Clerk: 'Benjamin?'

Counsel: 'No [inaudible]'

Clerk: 'Terrapin!?'

Counsel: 'KATHERINE!'

The call involved 3 separate cases, leaving unoccupied barristers listening in. This was unwise.

The first hearing dragged on, largely because of one counsel.

As he began to raise another point, he was interrupted by a clearly audible 'Jesus' from someone in the next case.

Someone else was clearly dialling in on their way to Court. This was also unwise.

Judge: 'Well, I think the order I'm inclined to make is...'

'MIND THE GAP BETWEEN THE TRAIN AND THE PLATFORM'

Judge: 'I'll repeat that. The order is that...'

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP

Previously I had thought that the most fun you could get out of telephone hearings was deciding what to wear / not wear while conducting them.

I was wrong, and I'm very much looking forward to my next one.