Thread by @makaitah

Can I tell you a story?

(Issa thread)

So one Sunday morning, I went to church, mid service the pastor started going around the church laying hands on everyone. I was right at the back of the church, I did not anticipate for him to get at where I was.

Everyone was falling at the first contact under the anointing. Okay. The pastor got to the back row and everyone was hitting the ground real quick. Finally he got to me, fam I me kept standing there while he lay his hands on me. Them ushers where behind me ready to catch me😯

I still stood, he slightly began to push me then I stood firm like nah fam, what you not gonna do is pull my lacefront. At this point he started shouting" Come out Satan!" Ini hesvo,

Now the entire church attention is at the back row , bro everyone was asked to stretch their hands and pray for me, I was apparently demon possesed since I didn't fall under the the anointing. This whole spectacle was absolutely uncessary btw

I was asked to go at the podium right in front of the church, then I shook my head trying to explain that I was fine, I wasn't demon possessed and there was No need for all of this. I made a mistake of shaking my head and refusing to move. Things escalated

So I stood there in an intense stare down with the pastor. Then he asked who are you? I was like well my name is Maka- boom I was sprayed with annoining oil. At that point I was extremely annoyed. I picked my handbag ready to go.

Them ushers made a human road block so I could not leave. I couldn't believe this shit. I was trapped with these crazies. The pastor kept shouting come out her Satan and spraying annointing oil on me. I got so annoyed I took out facial wipes and angrily wiped my face.

I decided to call the police, so I sat down, making my phone call and an usher snatched my phone. I was speechless and I started laughing because this was ridiculous. Ohhhhh the whole church went cray and started praying louder,

2hrs passed guys. 2 whole hours trying to exorcise me. I was annoyed, upset, tired and close to tears now. Then an escape plan hit me. I knelt down, raised my hands and satrted praying. The pastor came closer and lay his hands on me

This was my ticked home, guys I started fake staggering, it had to look real, I even kept enough saliva in my mouth so I could drool. I started kicking the air violently, then fell on the floor and started rolling.

I was even screaming and what not, finally I stopped got up pretending like I didn't know where I was. Fake delirium. They took me outside and told me I was healed, I was possed by demons. I thanked them so much and we did a little prayer

Then finally they let me go! That was a cult, because people shouldn't be forced to abide by your beliefs. Trapping me in your church was abduction to say the very least. It was such a horrible experience. I never want to go through it again!

The end