Thread by @VisionPoet

Gather ‘round, it’s fxckshit story time
#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode1

So I have a stalker that dates back 10+ years. Back to an era when jawns roamed free on the open internet prairies. I’m talking about the MySpace days.
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I had a gig in South Jersey and as I was leaving out I stopped and verbally gave my number to this woman who shot her shot.
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The following weekend while on my way back to my apartment from doing hood rat shit with my friends, I get a call from a Jersey number. It’s 3am. I answer
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Voice on the other end explains that we met at the gig last week and asked what I was doing. Then she asked if I wanted to come see her. Again. It’s 3am. My fxckboy ass was like, YUPPPPPPPPPPPP
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I was like 2 mins away from my apartment, but banged that U Turn with the urgency of a trash ass nxgga who thought he just lucked up into more hoodrat shit
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I head over the Ben Franklin Bridge and find myself in Lawnside NJ. Knock on the door. Door opens. Voice says come in. Get in the door, it was not the woman I gave my number to...
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She’s smiling, unapologetically. Jawn explains she overheard me giving my number to the other woman, and put my number in her phone too.
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So now I’m freaking out. She’s blocking the door and telling me to have a seat. I sit. We talk awkwardly for a few mins. She begins to recite poetry. I fake listen and tell her I gotta leave. She ignores that shit and plops down on my lap
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I hear movement in another room. So now I’m thinking I’m about to get robbed. I’m sitting there thinking how I’m gonna have to fuck up whoever comes in the room, then toss her ass to the side and run for my life.
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Me: Who tf is that?
Her: Shhh, lower your voice, that’s my mama.

We both grown af and bout to be on punishment!

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So now I try to reason with her. Tell her it’s late and I need to leave. She agrees, says she needs to go to church in the morning, and moves away from the door. I leave.
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She calls me the next day. I tell her I’m not interested & it wasn’t cool how she got my number. She agreed. Said she wouldn’t call anymore. Until she called the next day. And the next. And then started popping up at my gigs with her friends.
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I could have a gig in Richmond, and she’d be there with a friend. I took down my tour schedule on MySpace. I blocked her number and she started calling from other Jersey numbers. Got to the point I didn’t answer any 856 or 609 area code call.
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It starts to slow down. I talk to her friends and let them know she and I aren’t together. Never been. They get her to chill. Goes from daily calls, to weekly, to monthly, Then just sporadically. Then they stopped altogether.
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Fast forward to 2013/2014. Me and @KaiDavisPoet are headed to Colgate Univ. I get a call from an 856 area code. It’s jawn. She apologizes for her past antics.
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Explains she’s about to be a Pastor so she’s atoning for past acts. I forgive her and tell her I couldn’t talk. It’s over right?
She calls the next day. And the next day. And the day after.
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(for those keeping track, yes I’ve had the same number since 2003. Changing isn’t an option. I have friends doing serious time and it’s the number they have to reach me.)
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She starts asking me how I opened my church (I don’t have a church). She starts calling me Prophet Vision (sure God got a kick out of that). I started fwding the texts to @kaidavispoet and Teila in case I wound up butchered.
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Texts start coming asking me when I’m gonna marry her and make her a First Lady and take her virginity.
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Strangest call I got was from a random 856 number. Checked the voicemail and it was from a realtor explaining how my fiancé was there and they were wondering how close I was so he could take us to see houses.
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Called homie back and let him know she and I weren’t engaged. He thought I was joking initially. Then he was mortified.
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Last contact we had was a call from a 732 area code (she got crafty!). She asked me if the rumors were true about getting engaged to Taraji P. Henson.
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“Yes. The rumors are ABSOLUTELY true indeed. I can confirm Taraji and I are happy and getting married!”
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She said congrats. Said she’d never watch another Taraji movie again.
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Now I’m shook though because Taraji is engaged to #KelvinHayden. When they get married it’s gonna be all over the internet. The calls might start again!
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Plot twist. That wasn’t the only time I gave my number to someone only to show up at the house and it’s not the person I gave my number to. That’ll be #TPTEpisode2

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