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Being a modern-day academic feels like being a stockbroker at times. I was browsing a journal rankings website (SJR): it has all the info and visuals you need to make a good 'investment' (aka journal submission) in our metrics obsessed miasma of stupidity #AcademicChatter 
Cos it's really important to know the difference between 1st and 6th place for any given journal in a given year. THAT ALMOST CERTAINLY REFLECTS THE QUALITY OF YOUR SCHOLARSHIP AND THOSE OF OTHERS.
Also which sadist came up with this section, 'cited versus uncited documents'?? This is the journal equivalent to the 'gallery of shame'. How dare you tarnish their good name & soil our H Index. AND YE WHO IS NOT CITED SHALL BE CAST OUT OF THE ACADEMY AND SMITED. #SmiteTheUncited
Oh wait, scratch that last tweet. THIS is my favourite thing on SJR. For those who lament the lack of an Academic equivalent to Oscars or Pulitzer's, there's a nifty widget to the journal in question that you can pop on your website. "I'm a Q1 2.84, that promotion is MINE baby"
And forget the potential re-kindling of the US/Russia nuclear arms race, the real story is here! China racing up the SJR citations index with country-level data. FIRST SJR, THEN THE INDO-PACIFIC. UK is in third place, but that will probably change with Brexit. #AcademicChatter
What's extra insane about the previous metric is that SJR also value international collaboration. So it values international collaboration while simultaneously pitting countries against each other in a voracious battle of citations. Well played SJR, well played #AcademicChatter
Ok while I'm ranting from 31999ft (metrics & figures are key), I've taken the liberty of using SJR figures to create a narcissism/modesty index. Here I divided self citations by total citations per country and multiplied them by 100. I've re-ranked them, those with higher numbers
are far more narcissistic nations, and far less modest. More braggadocios if you will. Consider this the braggadocity index. Or B-Index. The re-ranking really shook up the established order. Thundering into the top ten are Pitcairn Island and Western Sahara - fiercely modest
Also I don't want to take anything away from South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, who also achieved a stonking score on the B-Index of 0. Meanwhile countries of the global north languish in last place. Such hubris my friends #Sad #AcademicChatter
Rant over, but now that I've created a pointless metric, can I have a bullshit job please @davidgraeber ?
