Thread by @Jessicae13Eaton

Thread

One time in 2017 when I was teaching teachers how to deliver good sex ed in schools, at the beginning of the course, the headteacher came to me & said ‘We had a meeting and we all agreed that we will say ‘penis’ but none of us are comfortable saying ‘vagina’ in lessons.’

And I laughed at them and said ‘how the fuck you gonna teach sex ed if you won’t even say ‘vagina’?’

She said ‘I know it’s bad, but we just don’t want to say it, we don’t feel comfortable talking about it and everyone feels the same way’

35 teachers. Wouldn’t say vagina.

So I had to start the entire course by going right back to basics about why we need to be role modelling good language use. We had to have conversations about why they felt more comfortable saying ‘penis’ but were refusing to talk about vaginas and how that would impact kids

They felt that talking about vagina and vulva was embarrassing and vulgar but felt that talking about penis was fairly uncomfortable but okay.

This was reflected in masturbation, in which many sex Ed teachers focus on male masturbation but don’t talk to girls about it at all.

For me, this conversation highlighted how misogynistic and harmful bad sex Ed could be. A teacher who refuses to say vagina? Role modelling about sex and relationships? Girls not being taught about masturbation or their own anatomy? No mention of vulvas or clit? Nah man.

Just more and more evidence that as a society, we can objectify, sexualise, rape and exploit girls and their bodies - but god forbid we teach them about their own bodies, their own pleasure, their own genitalia because that would be terrible.

Why do you think so many women and girls don’t even know what their own vulva is? They don’t know the names of their genitals? They don’t know why they are there? They don’t know about their own sexual pleasure or preferences?

We shame them. We erase this from education.

For example, I’m 28. My sex Ed was about 14 years ago now. We were taught that only boys had wet dreams. Yo, I know loads of women who have come or have got really turned on in their sleep from a sex dream.

Why aren’t we taught that both males and females can do this?

Second thing I wish we were told:

How important it is for girls and women to go to the toilet after sex because going for a wee can help prevent water infections and UTIs.

I’ve always done this religiously but most girls are not taught how useful and effective this is. Why?

Third thing I wish we were told:

Do not go down on anyone if you have a cold sore on your mouth. Do not accept head from anyone with a cold sore. Cold sores are caused by herpes simplex.

Two of my friends contracted herpes this way and became very ill.

None of us knew.