Thread by @drskyskull

TRUMP ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS AS DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MONSTERS: A THREAD

Rudy Giuliani: Gibbering Mouther. Utterly disgusting creature whose incessant babbling can cause confusion or even insanity.

Kellyanne Conway: Lich. Was once human, but became completely corrupted in mind and body due to a twisted pursuit of power. Now a skeletal form.

Jim Mattis: Crypt thing. Pretty much just sits there and does nothing. Died inside a long time ago.

Steve Bannon: Rot grub. Disgusting creature that lives in and thrives on filth. Direct contact with skin can be almost immediately fatal.

Lindsey Graham: Doppleganger. Seriously, I'm not sure how else to explain his sudden change in personality once Trump took office.

Mitch McConnell: Kuo-Toa. Evil fish monster that wants to establish an oppressive feudal theocracy.

Stephen Miller: Orc. Primitive, simple-minded, and filled with hate. Negligible threat by itself, but often found as a servant of other evil beings. Known to keep body parts of victims as trophies.

Anthony Scaramucci: Gas spore. Could be a real threat -- whoops, nope, it just exploded already.

Jeff Sessions: Imp. Manipulative, cruel, weak and tiny, it only thrives in the service to more powerful evil.

Betsy DeVos: Intellect devourer. Foul creature that hates all sentient life and feeds on the intellect of any that comes within its grasp.

Sarah Huckabee: Green hag. Hideous creature that delights in destroying beauty and uses its power of illusion to lure innocents to their death.

Ben Carson: Zombie. Brainless creature that wanders around in a confused state unless being controlled by another.

Rick Perry: Hill giant. Selfish, dimwitted brute. Was once affected by Otto's Irresistible Dance.

Scott Pruitt: Gelatinous cube. Mindless toxic ooze-like scavenger. Can usually be found with pilfered coins in its possession.

William Barr: Mimic. Deceptive creature that thrives by appearing to be something it is not, in this case a law-enforcement officer. Often acts as inanimate object. Possesses powerful adhesive to bog its victims down.

Sean Spicer: Homunculus. Tiny, pathetic creature created for the sole purpose of serving its evil master. Sometimes does pathetic dances for their amusement.

Mike Pence: Shadow. Creature of sentient darkness, that saps the life of all those it comes in contact with. Prefers to remain completely unnoticed, especially when Trump fucks up again.

Melania Trump: Penanggalan. Hideous undead creature that appears as a normal human female during the day and tries to seduce clueless humans. Will feed parasitically off of its chosen target until it is dead. (h/t @CitizenSullivan)

@CitizenSullivan Steve Mnuchin: Sahuagin. Another evil greedy fish creature.

@CitizenSullivan Ivanka Trump: Medusa. Hideous creature that brought a curse down upon itself by its own vanity. Destroys any man it can lay eyes upon.

@CitizenSullivan And, at last... Donald Trump: Shambling mound. Barely sentient heap of rotting vegetation that ambles around aimlessly. Likes to attack by enveloping its prey in its disgusting arms. Natural inhabitant of the swamp.

@CitizenSullivan Almost forgot: Jared Kushner: Shrieker. Mindless ambulatory fungus that emits a piercing shriek in the presence of other creatures.

Since some folks complained, alternate Ivanka Trump: Rakshasa. Cruel and twisted creature that can take on illusionary appearance of human. Often disguised itself as nobility to cover its penchant for eating human flesh.