Thread by @LaraAdamsMille1

More formerly trans-identified men are coming out with their stories, offering the kind of honest insight I normally only find among the crossdressing crowd.

Let’s count the AGP landmarks I’ve discussed previously in this man’s story. (thread 🔻)

todaynewsgh.com/2019/10/14/ex-…

“An ex-soldier who became a woman...”

- Military background

“He began taking hormones from unlicensed vendors and read transgender websites, after starting cross-dressing when he was in his teens.”

- Crossdressing fetish, developed ~puberty

“‘I hoped to have more female friends but the opposite happened. I thought, ‘Ladies who lunch, go on holiday, have friends around for coffee,’ but it just didn’t happen.’”

- Stereotyped expectations for “life as a woman,” other women as extras in his personal movie

“The ex-squaddie was also scared bigots would attack him after he transitioned... ‘Travelling on the train, I’d be absolutely dripping when I came up to London because I was scared I would be attacked or assaulted.’”

He wasn’t though. Feelings of shame/vulnerability are often interpreted or expressed as actual risk.

The reality is, a “woman” with the size & strength of someone who’s gone through puberty is less likely to be targeted than one who is more easily controlled.

Being “en femme” (as CDs call it) had always been a personal, high-feeling experience for him, so being out dressed in feminine clothes was always an emotionally vulnerable state. And the sexual history of his habit just made him feel more exposed and ashamed out & about:

Most CDers talk about *feeling* nervous or at risk, even if they’ve never been directly threatened. It’s common for them to report occasional verbal mockery in public, but actual assault isn’t something I hear about much.

CD boards are actually full of men encouraging other men to go ahead and give being out in public a try. They talk about how much nicer everyone is than they expected, particularly if you live in an “LGBT-friendly” areas. They give safety tips and tell the guys to go have fun.

And that’s so interesting to me, and I wish I had some real studies on this — How much of the “daily danger” narrative reflect real-world events, and how much of it is due to the men being both unused to the public danger women experience constantly?

And how much of it is shame/anxiety from feeling so exposed out in public in a crossdressed state? Is the fear of being embarrassed as prominent as that of being assaulted?

(This could be studied. I know about 5,000 lesbians with sociology degrees who need work.)

“... after changing gender he started having panic attacks and drinking heavily and realised he wanted to be a man again.”

This is because AGP is escapism. When you go from CDing to being “female” full-time, you lose your chief coping tool.

And instead of feeling better, as you imagined the high of full-time “en femme” would make you feel, you feel much worse. Comfort tool is broken (because you can’t disassociate into your full-time self), & you’re stuck inside a body that makes you feel exposed & ashamed.

“‘My anxiety levels were sky-high. I was seeing the doctors for all sorts of problems. My drinking was going up...”

He had to turn to other coping mechanisms (drinking) because his CDing had lost its power.

What I think is important to take away here is that escalating his crossdressing and medically transitioning did NOT improve his quality of life. It harmed him.

Gender-critical work, done respectfully, can benefit trans ID’d people, too. It can help them understand their pain.