Thread by @antifa_saboteur

alright fuck it I'm watching the jim from the office psyop show

alright starting in russia and they're just showing off bunk from the wire knowing fluent russian because everyone in the cia is a hypercompetent ubermensch you should outsource all your geopolitics to without even thinking about it

lol not even 5 minutes in and bunk is talking to an asset about the russians and chinese launching a secret satellite over venezuela because that makes sense and don't worry about it we're totally on top of it with cool pocket projectors, also bunk has obviously been poisoned

in a new development the "good" ruskies working against bunk realize he's obviously poisoned when he faints dramatically, and not wanting to seem like they did it (with explicit dialog to this effect) they kindly throw him in front of a hospital, jump cut to langley

jesus fuck jim is a professor showing future spooks the news & gregariously lecturing about how to see threats between china, russia, and north korea doing missile tests with some venezuela protest thrown in and it's venezuela you have to watch out for bc IT HAS NATURAL RESOURCES

at this rate watching this is going to be a full time job

MASK OFF MASK OFF MASK OFF

ok the pentagon gave kevin sorbo a bunch of their secret limitless pills and $100 million dollars that's the only explanation for how this exists

"examples of failed states..."

WHAT DO THESE ALL HAVE IN COMMON YOU FUCKING SPOOK

THEY'RE HUMANIZING SPOOK JIM BY HAVING HIM FEIGN SURPRISE AT HIS SURPRISE PARTY AND THEN HIS BRAINWASHED SON SEES THROUGH THE "I WORK FOR THE STATE DEPARTMENT" BIT FROM A SPOOK COLLEAGUE AT THE FRONT DOOR AND THEY HAVE A BONDING EXPERIENCE FUCKING END ME

fucking speechless

I see where this is going, so spook jim is good because his tactically knowing everything better than everyone means we can avoid tHe MiLiTaRy OpTiOn how is this a real show

I don't know if I can keep watching this tbh lol

boss who's bad bc he's apprehensive of spook jim's genius plan:
"if something goes wrong down there we're staring at the next bay of pigs"

spook jim who's good bc he's smart and the best:
"more like the cuban missile crisis"

FUCK YOU SHUT UP FUCK YOU

cut back to spook bunk in moscow turns out he's the deputy station chief there and just had a heart condition no one knew about (wasn't poison, boring, fuck you) and he's getting put on a desk by his spook boss bc ableism is a problem for spooks too they're just like us

spook jim has arrived in venezuela with a senator who has venezuelan heritage and speaks the language so tHeY dOn'T hAtE vEnEzUeLaNs (just the lifestyle they choose), cut back to spook bunk meeting his asset finding out the RUSSIAN SATELLITE ORIGINATES FROM CARACAS ACTUALLY

greek shipping magnate joke

back in caracas meeting president nicolas not-maduro and he's denying they're buying weapons from the russians so the senator threatens him with "consequences" but not-maduro cucks him and says "perhaps you should focus your energies in your own backyard" see? diplomacy bad, see?

"don't think because your parents were born here you can come here and tell real venezuelans how to run their country"

fucking owned

BUT THE FUCKING CIA DOES????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh ofc the senator was spook jim's CO in the marines and saved his life bc they're all so great (proceeds to explain jim's battle scars to spook bunk for a minute straight and spook jim recollects being visited every day in the hospital to whisper sweet regime changes in his ear)

WHAT INDEED, SHOWRUNNERS, WHAT INDEED

lmao jim is obviously about to get red sparrowed hell yes he's flawed but in the dumbest possible way

just found out about carbombs.... damn that shit sucks man

first ep ends on jim having to tell his wife he got red sparrowed into getting his buddy assassinated that's rough bro

should I keep watching tonight?

the people have spoken

ok jim is uselessly shout-interrogating at the crooked chief cop who got away from the assassin tying up loose ends but also a big show is made about how the cop changed the convoy's route for money to take care of his sick mother & now soldiers are getting ambushed in the woods?

it's getting boring so prob less updates but some other spook just pulled in a retired operator for an off the books mission by pointing at a framed picture of him in his dress vomit camo and saying "you looked happy then"

"I'm lost too, can you point me back in the direction of The Mummy (1999)"

ok nobody just takes a USB drive from an german spy or whatever and just solemnly exchanges glances without at least fucking asking what's on this thing like come on

also more mask off

well this episode sucks ass in the boring way

ROUND 2 BABEY

lol the progressive US-backed opposition candidate is holding a rally (about 3 minutes spent on shaking hands and close-ups of extras so you know she's gEnUiNe and GoOd) and she just quoted simon bolivar

just talking investment tips with the operators

jesus fuck progressive opposition team exchanging quotes from max weber (said his full name 3 times) over dinner so you know how progressive they are

lmao expert operator who got lost in the woods fell asleep with his Assault Rifle 15 off safety and let a literal child steal it and literally swing away on a vine

bad president dude meets good opposition lady in her home unannounced in the middle of the night to offer her a ministry seat and helpfully explain electoral politics love to see it

doin my leftist populism a heckin nate silver

THE ASSASSIN WHO JIM STABBED IN THE EYE GOT THROUGH EU AIRPORT IMMIGRATION BY CROSS DRESSING AND NOW THERE'S AN EXTENDED SCENE OF HIM MENACINGLY REMOVING HIS EYELASHES AND WHATNOT

"you're not here with the cia"
"no I'm here on vacation"
"well if you're not here with the cia we'll just have to ask mi5"

GREAT WRITING BRO DOESN'T SOUND REPETITIVE OR REDUNDANT OR REPETITIVE AT ALL BRO

ten mil per episode to get better than average porn lighting but worse than average porn writing

bloop, righto
👇😎👇

this show's relationship with self-awareness is on the level of sharknado or the nostalgia critic, just robotically performing the most superficial gestures of acknowledgement (here, ""wokeness"") to the point where its entire substance is firmly in the ideological uncanny valley

(that second edible might be kicking in)

they just convinced shady pmc ceo guy to tell them everything he knows by illegally freezing all his company's accounts and when he threatened to sue they respond by telling him it'll be bad for his pr and he's just like oh golly I suppose you're right I'll spill the beans then

HE'S LITERALLY JUST FREELY ADMITTING TO REGULARLY FACILITATING ASSASSINATIONS TALK ABOUT A BRUH MOMENT

the cross dressing eyepatch assassin has found his next target's brother on not-grindr and the date is going well so far he's very polite

spook bunk admitting to a shopping compulsion very brave

ooh shit lol baddies got a fancy laptop controlling a satellite to x-ray vision the operators and they just found the child who stole lost guy's Assault Rifle 15 who told them nothing (good job lil guy) but cut scene and spook jim just found out about the x-ray by being so smort

alright ok so the macguffin is that there's an undiscovered deposit of a rare mineral in venezuela worth "trillions" that's strategic because china currently has a monopoly on it see?? china bad, see??? (took 5 episodes to get here jesus)

operator getting "bad vibes out here" after they cut from the laptop with x-ray vision and throw some shade at warren

ok took a break to eat dinner and sober up, just took another edible and starting episode 6 (of 8) now

jfc they literally have the progressive opposition candidate doing an interview explaining why the US sanctions causing the starvation (that she's running on ending) are good, actually

ok let met get this straight so this is state media in what's literally being portrayed as a dictatorship interviewing an oppo candidate (running in a democratic election) on why US sanctions are good & explicitly asking about a peaceful transfer of power WHO WROTE THIS GARBAGE

cutting back to the operators in the woods, the only thing missing from making this a full on mini benghazi would be if hillary clinton had a cameo and spook jim had his punisher patch

so jim and bunk have been captured and the dictator president guy is menacingly playing polo on his estate with about 30 seconds of interspersed B-roll showing plenty of close ups of horses, menacingly, and now pres is talking like a mafioso about how polo is not for the poors

「M E N A C I N G」

they had to burn an american flag to film this lol

the jungle operators who disobeyed orders are crying in the bushes because their leader guy who uselessly sacrificed himself to lead the baddies away and ordered the operators to get outta here is now getting scavenged by the baddies, also more flag burning you hate to see it

oh sick the dictator president baddie has declared the US to be bad and making them evacuate the embassy, they just couldn't resist lmao we goin full benghazi boyes

JUST A COUPLA SPOOK BROS DOING SPOOK THINGS OFF THE RECORD BECAUSE 'MURICA

so the station chief offers spook jim and spook bunk to stay without US backing and here are their direct reactions

PUNISHER👏LOGO👏WHEN👏

the trio of spooks-turned-operators has now reached the underground embassy armory while a riot goes on outside, shit is about to GeT rEaL, but oh no bunk's heart condition is a problem so jim tells his driver to take him to the airport instead of the safe house oh noes

lol ok so the car bunk's hiding in gets stopped at a military checkpoint and they spend like 2 minutes building tension as a dog sniffs around finding nothing but then immediately afterward the driver betrays bunk and stops in a field where the main baddie's henchman greets him

and now they're waterboarding him with "the cheapest rum in venezuela" which "tastes like lighter fluid" wonder where they learned that trick

so baddie dictator president is on tv making a fuss of how the US interfered with their elections bc they got a pic of spook bunk talking to opposition candidate lady when he was only innocently providing security against baddie dictator, because america would never interfere irl

now the election is moved up to tomorrow for some reason and now she's giving a pep talk to her staff but oh no military boyes have shown up from big baddie "offering" to provide "security" to her oh nooo, cut to traitor driver at his house where it's a spook jim confrontation

well station chief guy just executed him and now he & spook jim are just chatting on the drive to rescue spook bunk

cut to baddie VP deciding to betray baddie president & convincing his wife since the president just burned down an apartment full of kids in their shared hometown

oh cool now spook bunk is in the prison camp chatting up political prisoners while the music swells as the only guy who speaks english (who introduces himself by mentioning he has a phd) explains how bad the baddie dictator is by listing off everyone's curricula vitae

well the rescue mission is afoot and I can already tell this next part is going to be extremely predictable

so yup the disappeared minister husband of the progressive opposition candidate is in the same secret prison camp, and the music keeps swelling how much can it swell like calm down we get it

lmao cut to baddie dictator and VP having dinner with their wives and checking off every trope in the book as the main baddie asks the soon-to-be traitor baddie menacing questions about where he was & the VP laughs it off and the wives join in but pres is giving v menacing looks

actually mad at how I could write so much better propaganda this is fucking child's play

I will never log off (76/?)

am I being punk'd? I actually couldn't write more cartoonish villainy if I literally believed this trite propaganda like where do they even find these drooling chud writers

ok so spook jim and the operators are now actually working with the south african mercenary guy who wandered off set of The Mummy (1999) and they're rescuing spook jim together at the camp because realpolitik is the ultimate ideal & sometimes ya gotta make the best of a bad situa

*rescuing spook bunk ah fuck whatever

so my spanish was never not terrible and I've forgotten most of it after high school but even I've picked up on a lot of subtle discrepancies between (jeff bezos's hand-delivered) subtitles and spanish dialog that all coincidentally seem to work in the favor of american interests

anyway the operators took the camp after guards abandoned it and are tenderly digging up the dead operator's body with their hands and the music is swelling again but oh no they took spook bunk, cut to spook bunk being walked into presidential palace where VP gives him A Look

lol time for more tropes our favorite baddie president dictator is solemnly watching tv while intercut grainy stock "rioting" clips flash on screen because you should feel like This is Serious

(subtitled spanish)

VP: "I saw [houses of the innocent in our shared hometown you ordered burned down with people inside], how could you?"

pres: "no that's not our home, [the presidential palace] is our home. I have always done the things you were unable to do..."

???????????

oh I just assumed he was the VP since I can barely comprehend this but actually he's the chief advisor or whatever same difference

so he aliven'ts & the music is swelling again, pres lays his body down and quickly glances at his hands so the room temperature IQ target demo thinks there's any complexity to his character, camera lingers on the body too long, cut to bunk praying in the rain and end of episode

season finale here we go the last leg of the marathon and by leg I mean I think and by marathon I might be having a stroke

opening on the morning of the election with voting booths in a school gym and still shots focusing on random setpieces to I think local gospel music as progressive opposition candidate lady clutches her jesus beads throughout some more typical sloppy scene transitions

cut to spook jim & the operators at the camp with more music swelling and they're all having their moments with the prisoners and mourning the dead operator guy and jim recording mass grave evidence because genocide vibes are super appropriate and in good taste for an action show

music keeps swelling as spook jim soberly emails the evidence to a bunch of fake news companies because he's Good, and then we part ways with our friendly arms-smuggling mercenary pals

now spook chief helicopters in and tells spook jim he used his genius evidence to link the paper trail yada yada but jim is sus & knows there's another player but chief says we got em it's done so I'd say obviously the senator boss from the very beginning is the secret mastermind

spook jim just cannot stop disobeying orders because he's just too fucking competent for authority but once again he convinces spook chief and a bunch of operators to go with him and now they're fully geared up about to actually rush the palace where they're keeping spook bunk

shit is now hitting the fan as the prison camp and mass grave footage hits the news so the president takes some creative liberties in case you still thought he wasn't the baddie yet by chance

immediately cuts to him dropping the tv remote on the desk with a little pathetic shaky cam flair and then we go to the polls where chaos ensues as opposition candidate lady cares about her children AND democracy because she's Good, then they see the news on their phones

aww spook bunk plays dead and kills the guard then escapes after shooting the main henchman (but he's not dead oh noes) while spook jim and the operators swoop in all tactics-like for the epic conclusion of the aneurysm I'm developing

spook chief makes it clear to spook jim that this is just a mission to rescue spook bunk and they're not allowed to kill the dictator which there is absolutely zero chance of not being exactly what happens, anyway more firefights happen ugh boring it's been like 3 minutes of this

in a thrilling turn of events the main baddie henchman that was shot but not killed onscreen almost kills spook jim as he reunites with spook bunk but then the incompetent operator who got lost in the jungle earlier headshots him so you know he was the most competent of them all

are you fucking kidding me they save spook bunk and are in the clear but spook jim decides now would be a great time to personally leroy jenkins an unsanctioned assassination and THROWS A FUCKING GRENADE AT BADDIE DICTATOR'S PERSONAL GUARDS

yes senpai department of defense please bludgeon my skull harder with black and white moral certitudes that reflect the reality of america's geopolitical role as world humanitarian police totally decoupled with economic interests yes harder senpai

spook jim's sanctimonious bloodthirst (merely a side-product of his hypercompetence) ultimately dissuaded by cool (smooth) head of spook chief, anyway they escape as a rioting crowd rushes the palace and boy I wonder what'll happen next

bland footage of rioting juxtaposed with ornate palace shit and classical music plays as the camera pans out from the pres sitting resolutely at his desk, boy I wonder what'll happen next, anyway opposition candidate learns the gov is turning on the pres & she did win no kidding

only 10 minutes left huh wonder when the secret mastermind will be revealed

spook jim and spook bunk have a heart to heart in the mess hall dining room cafeteria of a battle cruiser destroyer carrier boat ship and spook bunk talks about how his heart condition means he has to retire from the field and make spook jim his protege in a very drawn out scene

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

why am I even dignifying this show with my time again

fucking hilarious

JUSTICE PREVAILS THANKS AGAIN TO SPOOK JIM BEING SO UNBELIEVABLY COMPETENT HE SINGLEHANDEDLY TOOK DOWN A CORRUPT SENATOR AS THE FUCKING CHERRY ON TOP OF ALSO SINGLEHANDEDLY SAVING VENEZUELA

CAMERA LINGERS ON SPOOK JIM WALKING AWAY THEN STOPS TO FOCUS ON FUCKING CAPITOL BUILDING AND OH GODDAMN THE MUSIC IS SWELLING SO HARD WE DID IT EVERYONE USA #1 USA #1 USA #1 ROLL CREDITS

it's 1am and I need to take a walk (110/110)

so to end the self harm saga I'll say this was a soul crushing exercise in dogmatic fiction w/ cEnTriSt overtones about meritocracy prevailing via pure moral decency & buff operators serving as straight up US-hegemonic propaganda not that we didn't already know it but IT'S SO BAD

like carefully avoiding US party affiliations, always indisputable that aNy DeCeNt PeRsOn can disagree w/ anything the Good spooks do to take down the caricature of a dictator & (ironic) "means justify ends" corrupt senator mastermind, all from the goodness of their spook hearts

anyway to actually finish this I'll just note that while ofc tom clancy was objectively a chud fanfic grifter, don't forget his debut novel was the hunt for red october to put the quality of this dumpster fire of lazy imperial agitprop in context w/ the name being used to sell it

this show makes the late stage seasons of homeland look like the sopranos. it makes bosch look like the shield. it makes ncis look like the wire...