Being a Sunday morning, planned to surprise my wife and irritate my son by making poha. Surprised myself in the end. Here is a foolproof method to make poha. The recipe is an amalgamation of Google search results and one frantic call to mother-in-law. (1/n)
Step 1: Take two handfuls of poha and put them in a sieve or a colander, depending on how posh your kitchen gadgetry is. Run it under cold water until it looks so soggy it can pass off as snot. Easy one. (2/n)
Step 2. Drain them and place in a bowl to allow them to get soggier. Remember once you fry them, the water will evaporate. So don't worry. Calm down, take a sip of the rubbish coffee that you made since you forgot the ratio of coffee powder to hot water, and relax. (3/n)
Step 3: This is the toughest step. Chop onions. Finely. Crying is optional. While you are at it, chop one green chilly also. And maybe a boiled potato. (4/n)
Step 4: Heat some oil in a pan. I used coconut oil because why not? You can use any oil based on your choice of cholesterol. Don't use ghee. Because of the fact that I don't know why. (5/n)
Step 5: Fling jeera and mustard and curry leaves and asafoetida once oil is hot. While flinging, control the urge to throw it from a distance. I did and the jeera seeds went behind the stove. Now I have to vacuum it later. Ugh. (6/n)
Step 6: One you have unsuccessfully avoided burning the jeera and mustard, rush to dunk the onions and green chillies and potatoes to prevent further damage. Sprinkle salt. It apoarently helps cook the onion faster. Wipe face because you are sweating. (7/n)
Step 7: This is an important step. Put in some nuts. I used cashewnuts because I heard cashewnuts are a rich man's peanuts. Also I didn't have peanuts in the house. You can use any nuts. Except coconut. Or maybe you can. Don't know. Ask on quora. (8/n)
Step 8: Add one pinch of turmeric and one squeeze of half a lemon. Don't mix up both. Nothing will happen if you squeeze turmeric and pinch a lemon. You are not at war with your ingredients. (9/n)
Step 9: Penultimate step. Add in your soggy poha and some coriander leaves which you forgot to chop earlier and ended up tearing with bare hands like a neanderthal. Toss everything if you are a good cook else use a spoon to mix. (10/n)
Step 10: Last step. Telugu song is coming to an end. Squeeze little bit more lemon and add salt. Mix everything and serve in bowl. If wife is not awake, first you eat and finish. (11/n)
If it was so good and you finished everything, take a coconut, chop it, put a red chilly, run it in a mixie and quickly make chutney. Because you are not going to make poha again anyway. Keep dosai batter outside from the fridge. (12/n)
Made dosai for wife and son in the end. They had no idea I made and ate poha. Have to take this secret with me to the grave. The end. (13/13)
