@ that mf in college that literally sent me spiraling into a depression bc my roommates didn't believe me and sided with him. FUCK YOU SUNG HO :)
I had never considered making this story public. The hardest part is always talking about it but after a lot of thought, I have decided that it is what i need for me and my healing journey. #sexualassaultawarenessmonth
During my freshmen year at CSUN (spring semester) I was offered to share the rent of an apartment with a bunch of people from HS. I thought it was perfect bc i was tired of the everyday commute and i had early morning classes. I lived there for a few weeks and it was working out
(for the most part)
Until one weekend, it was Elihu's birthday and he wanted to have a KB at the apt. All my other roomates Karl, Inez, and Elijah stayed for the KB. I believe Karl invited 2 friends of his and Elihu invited 2 girls and Sung Ho
Until one weekend, it was Elihu's birthday and he wanted to have a KB at the apt. All my other roomates Karl, Inez, and Elijah stayed for the KB. I believe Karl invited 2 friends of his and Elihu invited 2 girls and Sung Ho
We were all drinking that night (hence the KB). The 2 girls Elihu (my roomate) had invited had been giving me dirty looks all night and i remember one of them using "beaner" as a slur and it being directed towards me.
I felt so disrespected and things escalated quickly.
I felt so disrespected and things escalated quickly.
They got really aggressive and I got defensive and yelled at them to "gtfo before i called the cops". Obvs i would not call them since we were all drinking but I was not about to be disrespected in an apartment i was paying rent for.
Elihu, Karl, Inez, and Karl's 2 guy friends went to go drop off the 2 girls. i stayed behind crying in the restroom. SH was comforting me and reassuring me.
Now i think i should talk about my relationship to SH prior to this night. SH and I were not close in HS but we were cool
Now i think i should talk about my relationship to SH prior to this night. SH and I were not close in HS but we were cool
we'd say hi and bye in hallways and had a class together once and would occasionally share some laughs.
One time in college (prior to this night) i was in need of a place to stay and one of our mutuals suggested i stay at their place that SH would be there and he wouldn't mind.
One time in college (prior to this night) i was in need of a place to stay and one of our mutuals suggested i stay at their place that SH would be there and he wouldn't mind.
I didn't think much of it and was grateful for them letting me crash there last minute (I had a saturday morning class).
That night while we were watching a movie he made a move and asked if I wanted to be fwb and i told him i wasn't interested and only saw him as a friend.
That night while we were watching a movie he made a move and asked if I wanted to be fwb and i told him i wasn't interested and only saw him as a friend.
He dropped it but i was uncomfortable for the remainder of the night. I hardly slept.
So back to the night of the KB, SH was comforting me and disguising himself as a friend. He knew i had a lot to drink and suggested i should maybe go to sleep.
So back to the night of the KB, SH was comforting me and disguising himself as a friend. He knew i had a lot to drink and suggested i should maybe go to sleep.
I didnt have a bed, i just slept on a big blanket on the floor so he helped me lay out the blanket and made sure i laid down.
I closed my eyes and right when i was about to go into a deep sleep is when it happened. He made a sexuaI advance without consent.
I closed my eyes and right when i was about to go into a deep sleep is when it happened. He made a sexuaI advance without consent.
I woke up immediately and jumped up and bolted out of the room to the guys room. I told Elijah the only other person in the apt what had happened and he told me to just "try and go to sleep".
I cannot put into words what I felt at that moment.
I cannot put into words what I felt at that moment.
With tears pouring out I made my way out of the apartment. I did not feel safe and i needed to get out. On my way out, I found the rest of my roommates coming back from dropping off the girls and I told them what happened and Elihu walked away saying something along the lines of–
"i don't believe you, you ruined my birthday party". I was outside covered in a big blanket, crying determined to walk all the way across campus to go to my friend's apt. but one of Karl's friends was the one to insist that SH had to go and i stay.
They *kindly* asked him to leave and everybody sort of just went inside and right to sleep. Aftermath: Elihu didnt speak to me and was clearly bothered by what had happened. Not one of them believe me. Not one of them gave me words of comfort. Not one of them showed me support.
Everyone just stopped talking to me. I only ever got one message from Elihu saying that i didn't *have to* move out which ????. I moved out within the week. I fell into the deepest depression of my life to the point where I was suicidal.
I tried to seek counseling from the school but the wait was over 2 months. I stopped making it to classes. I just couldn't bare the possibility of running into SH on campus or any of my roomates for that matter. I had never felt so alone. My future felt nonexistent.
His life went on with 0 repercussions. 0 consequences for how he damaged my life and mental health. Everyone went on about their life and many mutuals probably heard of a distorted version of the truth.
I decided to share this as a form of release. I'm finally at a place in my life (mentally & emotionally) where im able to deal with this head on rather than keep hiding from it. I no longer want to be a prisoner of my trauma. I need to let this go and keep moving on.
To anyone reading this that has survived something traumatic please know you are not alone. It is a very lonely experience but i promise you, your best days are ahead of you. #sexualassaultawareness
