Thread by @usnehal

I have a range of writing & #communication styles

Outside the ED of hospitalist medicine, when I “talk like a man” - direct, unvarnished truths and or “taking up too much space”, there is pushback, affront. Others have noted men with same style as me are👍
#WomeninSTEM
#SciComm

https://twitter.com/liz_harrison/status/1380970188737220618

In reality women can’t just email or communicate “like a man” for same results. Society *expects* different communication from women.

I’ve never been an exclamation point person but I use smiley faces

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

vice.com/en/article/8xy…

These studies + anecdotal experience:

“women don't negotiate for a very simple reason: they sense—correctly—that it will hurt them if they do... when women *do* negotiate... they end up worse off than if they’d kept their mouths shut”

#womeninSTEM

psychologytoday.com/us/blog/family…

Women are also overtly shamed with things like “it wouldn’t be fair to give that to you”

fair based on *what* metric or standard?

Even if you are discussing a position unique to you, you are told you can’t have more than those reporting to you

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM

I have been told “be sweet”

“Women who assertively pursue their own ambitions..promote their own interests..labeled as bitchy or pushy...their work devalued.. ostracized or excluded from access to important information”

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM

hbr.org/2003/10/nice-g…

Overall my approach now is:

I am who/how I am

people who value results value me
people with values, value me & my values

those wedded to or enforcing misogynistic/sexist social/cultural norms on women will act as above

Yes, I will either leave or be shut out from some rooms

When women are let into rooms, they may lose their #ethics as a result of being in that room

they often feel pressured to conform to the behaviors, made to feel responsible for others and willing to lie for others, especially men

#womeninleadership

insight.kellogg.northwestern.edu/article/women-…

Women are influenced by context - a dark side of the #EQ and #empathy?
compared to rigid ethical backbone

On advocacy, I left spaces of “do whatever it takes”. I have lines I won’t cross regardless of mission

Also, #professionalism is sexist

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM

“fairness” framing used to shame women for even asking (deflecting from saying “no”)

triggers women to resent fellow women who ask
=deep social conditioning from childhood

“both male and female supervisors can have these negative feelings about women”

cnbc.com/2013/11/27/for…

look at the history of when women allowed
into institutions/workforce
right to vote

👩🏼 brought in to defend status quo using a narrative of “purity“ & “protecting culture“

women who serve men & past are allowed in the room
but serve self: not a good woman

#womeninleadership

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1378796504664698881

despite being shamed by the concept of “fairness”, for asking more than others have

if women do not disrupt status quo, we perpetuate structural inequity & unfairness

Double bind

I wish I had the solution
Am working on it 🤓🧐

#womeninleadership
#WomenInSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

I have explored a lot of different spaces, interacted with many personalities in real life, academia, virtually

I am constantly learning (including from some very unfortunate situations)

Yes, one can rely on male allies..
But I want to solve this for women to be fully empowered

there have been notable female whistleblowers

is extremely scary
sometimes requires financial independence to do it

all of us should be willing to be the whistleblower
for the sake of ethics & harm mitigation
& for future women

#womeninleadership

sentinelsource.com/opinion/op-ed/…

If analyzing number of exclamation points in an email, how to take on the whole system?

In almost every situation there are multiple things one could report.

This is a perpetual dilemma:
stay & fight?
stay & look away?
report?
leave?
#WomenInLeadership

pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013…

For #womeninSTEM being more ethical or cautious w/ data reduces productivity or publications. That bolsters the glass ceiling. It puts one in asking or defensive position, which makes one less comfortable speaking up.

insidehighered.com/news/2017/02/2…

#womeninleadership
#WomenInMedicine

fear of writing email wrong -> grant writing

“female life scientists use narrower, more topic-specific language than male applicants, resulting in lower reviewer scores”

lifelong conditioning -> fear

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

sciencemag.org/careers/2019/0…

This is the kicker, we are doing it right, but penalized:

“The narrower and more technical language is probably the right way to think about and evaluate science,” he says.

But reviewers get swayed by “big ideas”... from men

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

If funded, funded for less. Responsible, narrow, precise language that is likely to get published, gets less funding

Plus all the things NOT in job package: admin support, office space, meeting fees, etc

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

insidehighered.com/news/2019/03/0…

I know this was heavily criticized then retracted. Reasons: System barriers, reviewer biases, internalized caution from experiencing the world as a woman

We NEED to support mid/late career women to mentor

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

the-scientist.com/news-opinion/p…

The attention to detail that should be an asset in science and taking care of others social conditioning and feeling pressure/guilt if no one volunteers for an unwanted task

leads to office “housework” that are not visible, rewarded, promotion-oriented.

hbr.org/2018/07/why-wo…

You can’t completely disregard feedback or expectations, but at the same time, the more you identify the buttons placed in your mind by sexism in society, recognize what buttons in others’ mind get pushed, you can choose when to disregard, break past others’ boundaries for you.

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1265425020551077888

Breaking past others’ professional boundaries for you includes:

If a mentor thinks you are “not ready”: don’t accept that

Recognize the concepts of #professionalism are sexist (& racist) like #Medbikini

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

psmag.com/economics/men-…

There will always be consequences to not being “perfect”

Except no one is perfect, so that really means you get served “consequences” of being human

So decouple consequences from *you* to reduce your sense of responsibility

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

Don’t let others, pushing your buttons or because their buttons are pushed, keep you focused on email exclamation points.

Think bigger.
Use ethics (not others)as your guide.
Cultivate relationships that support you being human.

#womeninleadership
#womeninSTEM
#WomenInMedicine

@threadreaderapp please unroll