Men (particularly in infosec, but elsewhere too), time for some real talk. If we want to solve the gender gap, we have to change how we act on and off work hours, especially at infosec events. I was talking to a woman last night who relayed something that happened recently. 1/n
She is very accomplished in the field and I suspect many of you know her by name. She was at a nearby bar at a recent event and saw a number of men she recognized as wearing conference badges. When she approached to network and be social she overheard the conversation. 2/n
She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of the (very few) female conference speakers like a piece of meat. The other guys jumped in and described the many (specifics were very shocking) things they would do to her. 3/n
One even made rape "jokes" (which are obviously NEVER okay). The woman who overheard all of this obviously felt unsafe and left. But the woman they were talking about is someone she considers a peer. This put someone who has very bad impostor syndrome into a downward spiral. 4/n
This pivoted into her heading back to her room where she says she drank way too much and seriously considered self harm. Days later, she is still shaken and questioning whether this is the right field for her. This is a travesty to say the least. 5/n
Before anyone says "thoughts of self harm aren't caused by these men's bad comments" - I have another perspective. I've known this individual for a few years and she (like many of us) deals with some demons. And dehumanizing women, particularly her peers, really triggers her. 6/n
As I think about this situation, I can't help but note that she's very accomplished in the field and is considering leaving. This would be a serious loss to the field. I can't imagine what a woman new to infsosec would think/do. 7/n
Diversity isn't something that happens from 9-5. It's something that we have to do 24x7. It's not a jacket you put on when you come to work and take off when you leave. It's the fabric of who you are. We can do better - we have to. 8/n
I was raised as a "if something I said offends you, stop listening" kind of guy. That might have worked in the 90's. It doesn't work today. We can't excuse behavior with upbringing. The words you say (even off work at the bar) could very seriously change the course of a life. 9/n
I'll close by saying that a lot of SJW stuff bothers me, but I hope you can see this isn't "just another SJW" thread. It's easy to cut up and laugh with the guys, but that can have very real effects on the people around us, even when we don't realize it. Be good - be better 10/10
Since I'm taking flack for saying "not another SJW thread" I'll clarify rather than answering individually. I'm (obviously) not saying that there aren't issues that need to be brought to light. But many people get offended for the sake of being offended and this isn't that. 11/11
