After disappearing for weeks, Melania has resurfaced in order to silence rumors that she's secretly recovering from an injury caused by Trump. Her tweets will only fuel that fire, so here are some tips on how to avoid concern-trolling battered women online and IRL: 
1) If you suspect that someone is in an abusive situation, don't insist that they leave unless you're ready to give them shelter. Leaving an abuser isn't about mental strength or confidence - it's primarily about logistics.
2) Don't shame someone for staying. You don't know what kind of threats they've received. In Melania's case, remember that she has a child with Trump. Abusers routinely threaten to separate children from their non-toxic parent.
3) If you suspect that someone is lying or otherwise covering for an abuser, don't call them out on it in public. Private chats are fine, but face-to-face conversation is always best. Many abusers monitor their partner's communications.
4) Never forget that the victim's life may be at stake. By now, you should be aware of how often domestic violence escalates into murder. Choices which might confuse you or come across as reckless may be that person's best option in the moment.
5) Be patient. There are no quick solutions when someone is stalking, abusing or otherwise trying to control another person. Our institutions are barely equipped to register victims of abuse, let alone provide them with recourse.
6) Beware of ingrained impulses which give abusers the benefit of the doubt. We've all been brought up in a world which protects predators. This means believing someone when they say they're being abused.
7) Abusers brainwash people. They tether victims and enablers to a totalitarian reality ruled by arbitrary punishment and reward. This means you probably shouldn't take an abused person's assurances at face value. It also means that they can't just snap out of it.
8) Abuse can happen to anyone, anywhere. People think that smarts, financial privilege, and supportive families will protect them, but they won't. Abusers enjoy the challenge of breaking someone down, and many prefer a feisty doormat to someone who immediately rolls over.
9) Unlikable bigots can be victims of abuse, too. Whatever censure they deserve, they don't deserve abuse. At @NoToNihilism, we believe that no one can consent to torture. For further reading, check this out: medium.com/the-anti-nihil…
