Thread by @hradzka

So I put on VENOM

You know how somehow you get a vibe on the movie just from how it looks? There's an early scene in Tom Harry's apartment that looks like a direct to video movie in cinematography and cutting terms.

I'm not sure if Eddie Brock is supposed to be a print or TV journalist

DIRECTOR. "You're a TV journalist, Tom; you hold a microphone, not a notepad"
TOM HARDY. "I really want to hold a notepad though"
DIRECTOR. "Okay, whatever"

Stuff that works in VENOM: Eddie Brock in his community, being a friendly dude

Stuff that doesn't: Eddie Brock's love interest, Eddie flying high early on

The early horror stuff works reasonably well, and honestly I would watch that whole movie about an alien hopping body to body and trying to figure Earth out

Really liking Jenny Slate as Dr. Skirth. She is doing a lot of heavy lifting expositionwise and is selling her heart out.

Closed caption for VENOM:

"[SQUELCHING]"

EDDIE. *vomits wildly* "What is wrong with me?!"
AUDIENCE. "You just ate trash can chicken, dude"

VENOM cuts from a doctor in a hospital hallway to a scientist in a science place hallway and they're in almost the same place onscreen so it's a weird-ass cut.

Tom Hardy is actually weirdly endearing as The Stupidest Guy On The Planet

The elevator pitch for VENOM is basically "a dumbass gets a living Green Lantern ring that talks to him"

and the buy order is "okay, but make him dumber"

"how much dumber"

"like, a lot"

I'm not saying VENOM is a neoreactionary movie but it is currently destroying San Francisco

VENOM 2: SYMBIOTES IN HARVARD YARD

Observations:

Venom just straight-up bit a dude's face off

and Venom actually moves like Venom, which is pretty impressive tbh

WRITER. "So, in the comics Venom has Spider-Man powers because he was Spider-Man's costume for a while"
SUIT. "But we won't have Spider-Man in our movie. Is that a problem?"
WRITER. "What?! What kind of powers can we--"
SUIT. "Two words"
WRITER. "..."
SUIT. "Tentacle porn"

WRITER. "What's our end fight gonna look like?"
SUIT. "Did you ever drop a pot of linguini"

Okay, do you know how good the music soundtrack is in INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

that is how bad the end credits song is in VENOM

holy shit

MARVEL. "Look, we don't care what it takes; we want the INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE soundtrack to be *fire*"

THE DEVIL. "I can do that... but you'll need to use this end credits song for VENOM that I happen to have right here--"

MARVEL. "Deal"

THE DEVIL. "Wait, what"