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Subomi @subomiplumptre
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FAMILY, MINDSETS & GUILT TRIPS | If you're succeeding in life and trying to create a better life for your parents, siblings or extended family, you should read this. #Thread #NewYearResolutions #NewYear
One of the hardest things you'll come up against is mindset. It is what will cause you the most sorrow. Let me explain using a Nigerian example.
You believe one should have electricity for 24 hours a day. You have the financial means, so you can now attain this using a combination of PHCN, Generator, Inverter and Solar Panels.
The cost is significant, but you believe in using money to purchase quality of life. You're financially prudent, but are not the type to hoard money out of fear of not having more in future.
You want your mother to have the same quality of life. So, you purchase a generator for her. She complains about the money you're spending to fuel it. You get an inverter and solar panels. She worries about the cost of maintenance, even though you faithfully send money to her.
At some point, your mother stops maintaining the panels and inverter. Worse, she allows them to get damaged.
You are now faced with a reality. Not only must you fund your family's lifestyle. They expect you to micromanage it as well. To give up your life to run theirs. To move back home so you can take care of them and suspend your future.
You pay for exams. They expect you to fill the forms too. You pay for surgery, they expect you to remind them to take their drugs as well. They are always calling you and needing you.
Somewhere in your heart, you know if you died, your family would move on. You wonder why they never place the same demands on your siblings who live out of town.
Listen, the best gift you can give your family is education & exposure - a mindset shift - not money. Or else, you will constantly be sad because your family will never attain the heights you dream of. They simply can't see what you see or understand life the way you do.
Sometimes, accept the life your family have chosen. They can't always live the life you want for them. You've got to stop feeling guilty about living in a mansion, while your mother insists on living in a hut. It's the choices your family have made. Stop worrying about optics.
It can be painful and life threatening - like when a family member is careless about taking their drugs. You should do all you can. Sometimes, you can even hire a nurse. But, at some point, adults must take responsibility for their own lives.
This message is for those who have toxic relationships with their families.
You know your life would have progressed much further, if you'd only said no to your family more often. You know you need to get out from under the weight of the numerous guilt trips. You know you need to move out & get a place of your own. May 2019 not meet you in the same place
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