Thread by @JADubin5

Imagine Woj breaking all the stories about the wild secrets of Westeros.

"League source tells WSPN that Essosian/Valyrian prospect Daenerys Targaryen has acquired 3 dragons, 8K Unsullied, a navy, and a Dothraki horde. Expected to be the No. 1 pick when Iron Throne-eligible."

Meanwhile Arnovitz is working on a 6K-word feature about chaos inside the Night's Watch, including a wild story about how they killed back-to-back Lord Commanders and the second one came back to life after getting a haircut and a bath from a witch.

People start questioning how old Arya Stark really is when she comes back from years in Braavos as an insane killer.

Bran gets suspended for taking vision enhancing drugs.

Jorah's greyscale recovery is the greatest recovery since Rudy Gay's Achilles.

Brienne gets her armor retired by three different families.

Jaime Lannister announces his decision to fight the army of the dead in a televised special. "I'm taking my talents to Winterfell."

The Hound is out of the league for four year and comes back, Emeka Okafor-style.

Our man Zach Lowe ranks each house's sigil. The following year he ranks their words.

Littlefinger guests on Sam's podcast and when Sam calls him out as a traitor in a later episode he says, "I just did your fuckin podcast."

Sansa wins Most Improved Player. Bronn wins 6th Man.

Ramsay is kicked out of the realm for dogfighting.

The Targaryens become the first franchise to move cities in six consecutive years.

Tywin Lannister dies, his children take over the team, which devolves into ruins.

Woj reports the Wildlings and Night's Watch are MERGING.

Stephen A. goes on a rant about how winter is NOT coming. Francesa says he's been playing the game of thrones for 25 years and he's never seen winter. BS pod: Is winter overrated, underrated, or properly rated?

Cersei forgets how to drink wine. Lannister Twitter investigates.

Ned Stark drafts Stannis No. 1 and Throne Twitter widely mocks the pick, saying he should have taken Renly because he's got better measurables.

Lannisters GM Tyrion sends Myrcella to the D(orne)-League for seasoning, against the wishes of Coach Cersei.

Today on The Jump: Ex-Lord Commander of the King's Guard Barristan Selmy analyzes the Night King's battle plans. Plus: a look back at Ser Arthur Dayne, who tragically passed away 25 years ago.

Oh, and there's an oral history of Robert's Rebellion coming out next week.

Is Missandei the greatest advisor in Westerosi history? How do stats from the Dothraki League translate to the Seven Kingdoms? Was Khal Drogo's one spectacular season enough to get into the Hall of Fame? How long will Cersei be suspended for bombing the Sept of Baelor?

"Oberyn blew a 3-1 lead" becomes a meme.

WSPN Classic runs all-day programming of just The Battle of Blackwater, Hardhome, and The Battle of the Bastards.

Kevan Lannister is going to become Hand, but Cersei signs Qyburn for $71M.

Littlefinger gets caught using burner ravens.

Theon's decision to abandon the Starks to rejoin his hometown Greyjoys sparks a debate about Heir Agency. Should they be required to pay the Iron Price?

Is Loras really a No. 1 swordsman or is he just a No. 2 who is gonna be overpaid?

What ever happened to Rickon, anyway?

Video breakdowns of the Red Wedding.

12 Things You Missed While Joffrey Was Choking.

30 for 30: What if I told you the worst Night's Watch recruit of all time killed a White Walker and a Thenn?

Buzzfeed: Rhaegal is cute AF and these 127 pictures prove it!

Tyrion, Theon, Yara, Jon, Tormund, Varys, and Olenna all write pieces titled "Why I'm Joining Danaerys."

Dany gets a tattoo that says "The First of Her Name." Her, Jorah, Missandei, and Grey Worm take an iconinc picture on a banana boat. (Daario is the photographer.)

OK that's it. Don't follow me on Soundcloud.

This is the kind of place my brain goes when I planned on watching Bucks-Lakers but Giannis and LeBron are both out. I might not be a normal person.