Thread by @EvilJoeMcVeigh

Wowee, this book is b-a-d bad. It'll be a surprise if I make it through 30 pages. Wanna know why? Buckle up, children! It's Crappy Language Book time!

I'm skipping the first 2 pages, which are just moaning about Sarah Palin using "refudiate" and "pls". But the we get this. "plsd"? "wds" = wads? "alluva"? Guess who doesn't know how to abbreviate in CMC? Yep, it's the author.

I'm willing to bet the author has no knowledge of other languages. But English just so crazy, ya know? It's like that bridge you tried to build out of spaghetti for physics class. Or something.

No one has ever been able to speak without making a mistake? Wha? Well, if respected linguist Mark Twain said it 100 years ago, I guess it must be true. That guy wasn't known to spin a yarn.

Ruh roh, here comes Language for Dummies! What should we call it? "Amglish"? What, was Engmerican already taken. No one proposed Amglish. Except this author. And guess where he's from? You guessed it - Murica! That's why this thing he made up is also Merican.

We're on page 4, folks. There are 200 pages to go. I hope you went potty before we got in the car.

My dude worked as a journalist for years, but guess who's language is bad and messy? Two women's. 🙄 Now go record yourself and try to transcribe it, dude. You'll be so surprised at what you hear, you may never talk again!

At this point, your probably wondering what "Amglish" is. Well, our dear author has provided a definition. Amglish is... everything apparently. It is the Alpha and Omega. Amglish is you. Amglish is me. Amglish is.

Seriously, wtf?

Dafuq is a "standard dictionary"? And did our author just discover language variation and change? So it's true then: even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes.

This reliable British source is David Crystal. I guaran-goddamn-tee he doesn't think 2 billion people speak Amglish.
And by McCrum's definition, I speak Japanese. Konichiwa, motherfuckers!

Oh sure, we got a citation for that Mark Twain zinger. Any sources for these claims?

Nerp.

Page 8. We're on page eight. Not 108. Not 48. Not even 18.

EIGHT.

Do you hate me yet? You will.

Ah, there's those tired old "rules" we know and love. Get new language authorities dude. Linguists, lexicographers, and others continually explain these things. But you haven't seen it. Must not have happened!

Dr. W. C. Minor "wrote much of the esteemed Oxford English Dictionary." Take that, Jimmy Murray, ya scrub!

So much shenanigans here. Guess which paper our dude worked at? And "idolspize"? For realz?

Then we get a misunderstanding of what dictionaries are.

And he caps it off with calling "swanning" a noun.

*Chef's kiss*

Only a couple more. I promise.

This is wrong. Update your OED, bro.

Ooh, you like that Merriam-Webster?! What sick burn from someone who totally knows that the hip-hop term for "cool" is "defs".

If "the language establishment" ever had any clout, it was from precisely 1952-1954. Time to give it up, dude. Join the wandering rappers, pls.

Time for me to give it up too. I made it all the way to page 14. 😬