, 11 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Rosenstein was speaking in code. Please allow me to translate his resignation letter from Political Legalese into English
The first paragraph was pure buzzword bingo political drivel. You can skip that junk. Every government document has to start with something like that
“Our elections are more secure, and our citizens are better informed about covert foreign influence efforts” = “They know you were elected because of Russia’s disinformation campaign”
“We also pursued political leaks, investigated credible allegations of employee misconduct...” = “McCabe, Strzok, and Page saved your bacon with that media coverage. You’re welcome.”
“Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigues of supporting it” = “And I don’t mean military uniforms. You escaped that, Mr. Bone Spurs. I am sooooooo done. You would exhaust the patience of a stone statue”
“The rule of law is the foundation of America” = “Unless you’re the president, although just wait until you’re out of office. You’re effed”
“Few serve longer than two years” = “OMG this has been a tortuous slog. I am SO done!”
The whole paragraph about the “supremacy of law” and “our law is not an instrument of partisan purpose” = “Listen up, Barr. Trump will ignore this paragraph, but you had better not. The nation is watching YOU”
That same paragraph about “supremacy of law” = “Note, Barr, that I quoted a wise Attorney General. Also note, Barr, that it wasn’t you. That wasn’t a coincidence, you slimy partisan toad”
“Credible evidence is not partisan” = “We weren’t Angry Democrats you ferret-topped buffoon.”
“Truth is not determined by political polls” = “You can say what you want, but it STILL isn’t fake news. <Jack Nicholson impression> You can’t HANDLE the truth!”
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