Thread by @capeandcowell

Are you kidding me? I'd love to have the excuse of being pregnant.
"Do I look fat in these cargo shorts?"
"I'M EATING FOR 2 WOMAN"
"These pickles are for our baby"
"I'll take extra fries with my fries"
"My feet hurt"

I would be insufferable and I would LOVE it!

https://twitter.com/bessbell/status/1126361691338362880

True story, when the wife was pregnant with our second child she would call on my way home from work and tell me to get a chipped ham with extra extra extra pickles.

If it didn’t have 50 pickles she’d send me back.

The wife was never a pickle fan like me, btw.

You’ve truly missed out if you’ve never had a pregnant wife.

They have this glow about them that lights the entire room up.

I swear I don’t know if I’ve seen a more beautiful thing and I told her daily. She reached a level of beauty that I can’t even describe.

Don’t ever let the mouth breathers talk you out of having children. They’ve pulled this lie out of their butts for years.

The newest excuse is that they’re trying to earth from global warming.

All this while driving their SUV’s to their private jets. Get bent.

True story: When my wife was pregnant with our second child.

I told her I wanted to name it Jonah, because it was in the belly of a whale.

In my defense, she always called me a liar when I said she was beautiful while pregnant.

What choice did I have?

Just know, she laughed because we always joke this way with each other.