Thread by @TharushaGunawa4

A good friend of mine has OCD. She wanted a forum to talk about it anonymously in the hope that it might help another person. So here is a long thread where I have copied her account in verbatim #Mentalhealth #OCD 1/32

There is an old song by Frank Sinatra Called me and my shadow, I think this sums up OCD perfectly. It has the potential to be there and all it needs is that little bit of sunshine and there it is.
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OCD is a phrase that is thrown around so much that the actual meaning can be lost, oh you're so OCD because you checked the car was locked isn't quite the same as you have been testing all the doors on your car for the last 10 mins and feel an overwhelming need to stay until 3

you know it's locked.
The difference between a harmless thought and OCD is a matter of seconds, you have a thought if you think about that again within the next one to two seconds then this thought becomes the most important thought in the world 4

and in now reinforced by your brain that it's important. This might not be truly scientific but it's how it feels when you are experiencing it 5

My OCD kicked off when I was pregnant with my first child. I was cannulating a patient and thought I had got a needle stick. I have to point out that I had been cannulating for a number of years and wasn't too bad at it 6

but there was always a bit of me that was weary about needle stick injuries, looking back I was probably a bit more aware of it then my colleagues thereby setting the perfect ground work for my OCD behaviour 7

I did everything you are meant to squeezed and washed the area and didn't draw any blood back but my heigtend corcern or needle stick mixed with my pregnancy hormones took that one event a d rocketed it to a whole new level of irrational 8

I phoned occy health but was given reassurance that there was no reason to believe that the needle had entered my skin. This would have been fine for most people but my pregnancy hormones and worrying tendencies couldn't handle it 9

I went home that night and cried, positive that I had caused the greatest harm possible to this amazing little person I hadn't even met yet.
I then did the one thing you should never do, I googled. I googled blood born viruses, infection the works 10

The more I looked the more I found, pages and pages or information to fuel my growing obsession with infection.
Once I had my little boy I hoped that things would get better but they didn't. I spoke to the health visitor who referred me for some counseling 11

when someone came round to assess me they asked if I considered myself in urgent need. I said no! How could I consider myself urgent when there were people out there who needed help far more than me. 12

That desision proved to be a bad one as it allowed my OCD time to intergrate itself into my day to day life.
By the time I did get counselling I was back as work, my hands would bleed because they were so dry and constantly washed 13

cannulating was unbearable, blood splats sent me into a panic specially if I hadn't seen where they came from. I worked in a hospital so it wasn't ideal.
Washing bottles for my son's drinks became a timed ritual that of not done correctly had to be restarted 14

Walking down the street became painful as I was constant checking the floor for needles and blood. I couldn't empty the bin or get things from the cleaning cupboard through fear of something that I can't even recall now 15

The counseling was good but came to late I was beyond what the counsellor could offer. A task of picking a postcard from the floor that best showed how I was feeling was difficult. I did not want to touch the card but did 16

When she then asked me to take it home I couldn't bring myself to do it as it had been in other people's houses.
The counselor quickly realised that CBT was a better match for what I needed 17

I sometimes wonder if I had been a bit more selfish at the start and considered myself urgent would earlier counselling had stopped it OCD taking such a bit hold of my life.
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I was signed off work as I just couldn't function, it was exhausting being so on edge and hyper aware of everything all the time.
My first session of CBT I was asked to touch a small bin in the corner of the room, we are talking paper, bottles and at worse a crisp packet 19

I couldn't do it! I had a great understanding of my OCD but felt powerless to to anything but follow the rituals it gave me to insure a safe life for everyone I cared for.
Over time and with CBT I started to make improvements 20

I used to constantly crave reassurance from my husband through checking with him, when he realised what I was doing and how it was only adding to my habits he stopped. I came up with clever ways of just dropping things into conversations to get the responses I required 21

My husband found it incredibly hard and tried to make life as easy as possible for me by doing the things for me that I couldn't such as taking the bin out. What was an act of love was just helping me keep my happy infection free OCD world going 22

It consumed my life, toys with stains on were washed vigorously, stains on paper such as books or letters though the post were cut out or the whole thing just thrown away. Any thought that something has gone in my eye and I would rinse them under a tap 23

Even peeling potatoes became difficult as if any of the wetness from the potatoe sprayed into my eyes I had to rinse them.
Coming back from work I would take everything off apart from my underwear in the hall way and run up to the bathroom for a shower 24

My work bag could not enter the house beyond the porch and if it did it sent me into a panic.
I brought a book on the advice of my CBT therapist and it answered slot of questions 25

more than that it helped explain to my husband how I was feeling and also what he thought was helping was reinforcing all my negative behaviours.
Slowly with the CBT support and time I began to get back to me again 26

I was very aware that I did not want my little boy seeing me constantly washing my hands and made sure that he had all the dirt and mud from the garden a little kid of his age should have.
My life became more manageable over time 27

I had a second child and went back to CBT a couple of times while pregnant as I was aware that pregnancy had been part of my trigger.
My son is 10 this year and my daughter 7 and o consider myself to be very lucky 28

There are three groups from CBT those who are cited completely, those who still have the tendencies but know their triggers and can manage it and those who gain nothing from it 29

I consider myself in the can manage it to almost gone group.
It was over a long period and by no means a quick fix but I have my life back and no what signs to look for. I very rarely get the intrusive thoughts that use to come about infection and blood 30

I can walk down the street like almost ever other person and be completely unaware of what is beneath my feet. I do like checking my doors and windows a night, probably more than is necessary but I'm prepared to live with that 31

I wrote this not as a inspirational if I can do it so can you story, but for anyone who reads this and sees themselves or someone they know in what I have said 32

Be selfish think about yourself and get some help, maybe this story means that someone out there won't get to the stage where everyday life seems overwhelming/ END

@NevilleSouthall thought you mind appreciate this