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cannot describe the extent to which i resonate with augustines story of his life in confessions. stealing + doing graffiti when i was younger, getting into weird fabulistic fantastic strange religious stuff, meeting “gurus” and being disappointed, neoplatonism, i am this meme rn 
working on a project based on confessions rn so been re-going over it all day + feel like im reading about my own time in new york only im less intelligent, dated the girls i was hooking up with, + had psychedelics, buddhism, occult, + new age instead of manichaeism (same thing)
there was this time he met this guru / manichean thought leader named faustus and was really disappointed that he wasnt able to answer his deeper questions. had this all time, especially with people leading ceremonies and stuff in what you could call the weird neo shamanic scene
one time i had signed up for this peyote ceremony so, i had to go to this place and meet this woman who was high up in this group, i guess so they can interview you and see if youre ready for it or just not a cop or something. so i met this woman at this diner in uptown manhattan
she had just gotten back from this like month long trip of doing ayahuasca all the time in the jungle. and after like 45 minutes shes asking me for advice and about some stuff i know about and im like... wait why are you seeking counsel from me? im supposed to be asking u stuff.
things like that would happen all the time. or we’d take a break from doing a ceremony and the “shaman” who was just going on and on about how sacred tobacco is and how careful you have to be with it would be smoking cigarettes in the parking lot.
lots of moments where i was like... hmm im kind of seeing through the illusion here, that then pushed me further along my journey. thats a big part of what the book is like, its these moments that punctuate his journey, if you havent read it (big mistake, read it)
really wanna chug some go off juice and make a whole thread about all this rn but i just told my gf we could actually go to bed early tonight (wholesome boy) so im gonna pick this up tomorrow
