Thread by @VVOMkhize

Marriage is about amathongo (ancestral spirits) as much as it is about the minds and bodies coming together. Joining a family at birth is the same principle when leaving a family in marriage.

Let’s understand the ancestral principles behind marriage.

A Thread

Marriage is about joining two families together. Each family gains a new son or daughter. There are three fundamental steps in the process

1. Ilobolo
2. Ibizo
3. Umgcagco.

4 is special - this is when two spiritually gifted individuals are brought together in a special ritual

See when two individuals have ithongo of isangoma or Inyanga then we have a ritual of ukuhlanganisa kwemimoya.

This is where a goat is slaughtered on wife’s side and a piece is carried to the grooms family where another goat is slaughtered and again a piece is taken back.

Very simple and straightforward. No need to to lobola each other or add extra cows, goats or anything.

Now when a couple decides to marry, it means they are making the decision to unit them physically, legally but more importantly ancestrally.

I want us to understand the ancestral meaning behind Umgcagco.

See when you’re born to introduce you to the ancestors - a ceremony is done for you. In zulu culture we call it imbeleko. Here, by the blood of animal you are brought in to the family. And therefore if you are a woman all you will give birth to (if not married) is of that family.

Understand, you are of the family because you have been brought in by blood into that family and it is only be the blood of a animal that you can leave that family.

Only once the blood of an animal has been spilt to release you from home and welcome you elsewhere - can you say I am married or use the husbands surname.

ILOBOLO IS NOT MARRIAGE.

You are engaged - ingoduso. You cannot start using the husbands surname nor can he make you.

However, once you have completed Umgcagco you are part of your husband family and him apart of yours.

From this day onwards your Husbands family must ensure you are loved, looked after, protected and allowed to flourish.

Because by virtue of the fact that the wife’s father released her - this is the family and amathongo entrusting the grooms family with their most precious Gem.

And in the same breath, a man must also be a son to the wife’s family. That’s why ilobolo ayaqedwa.

Ancestral principles must always be the focus. When you leave your home by blood and you enter a new home by blood of animal then all you will give birth wil be of the husbands family.

This is no different to Imbeleko.

See people families don’t understand that they have been entrusted with a family’a most precious gem - their child. And in the event they’re child is not being treated well. She must speak up. Steps must be taken to correct where she has been wronged.

Divorce - this can be done simply if lobolo has been paid but umgcagco has not taken place.

No blood has been spilt therefore she is still a member of her own family. Simply slaughtering a goat and cleansing can sever the tie of engagement.

However once blood is spilt, spiritually, she is part of the husbands surname.

If the husband passes away , the wife can happily remarry but amalobolo will go to the husbands family and it will be them who release her.

Even after the passing of the husband, the grooms family must make sure she is loved and looked after . Even if she marries into a new family.

This is where the problem lies. Too manu families love to pick and choose when to apply isintu and ancestral principles.

End of part 1. In part 2 I’ll explain why divorce ancestrally isn’t recognised after umgcagco but how women can handle this.

And then I’ll deal with the surname implications of divorce and children. Finally ending with cases from work.