Thread by @Delafina777

Watching the Star War. This movie is a MASTERCLASS in how to avoid writing.

Plot: *poses a question*

Movie: SHUT UP

Its answer to everything is “shut up.”

Ooh, these two characters are about to have a conversation except nah bc conversations are hard.

Instead let’s just dump some exposition and then interrupt instead.

Where are they going and why?

SHUT UP THEY ARE THERE ALREADY AND THERE IS AN EMERGENCY ABOUT... something

How did that Storm Trooper get there already?

SHUT UP BATTLE TIME

But hey, this movie is using ALL the colors so

The entire script is shorthand instead of a script tho.

Like this isn’t a screenplay, it’s an outline that somehow got filmed.

Why is this character who was about to turn them in on their side now?

SHUT UP. Emotions that we will neither portray nor identify in dialogue are happening.

WE EXPLAIN NOTHING

Well, we will take the time to have Rey explain that in this scene that showed her put her hands on a wounded creature and heal it that she did indeed put her hands on the creature and heal it.

We will not identify or evoke emotions except in this scene that has a character probably dying, at which point New Droid will verbally label the scene as “Sad.”

Why is—

SHUT UP *explosion*

Can I at least—

MAGIC DAGGER

But why—

DESERT FESTIVAL

I just want to know—

BATTLE TIME

And STOP DEEPFAKING CARRIE FISHER

almost none of these scenes needed to be her

Have her hand Rey the lightsaber and hug her and then let the poor woman rest.

Welp they just retconned away my favorite part of the last movie.

Hey if we put a shag rug and tusks on a horse that’s an alien right

Hey new character we added to make sure it’s clear our leads aren’t gay, we don’t have time to make you a costume so just wear this curtain like a cape mmkay

we are now MAD AT EACH OTHER

why?

SHUT UP THE DEATH STAR

Ooh Rey is going in the emperor’s closet

METAPHOR

Hey movie you know what’s more effective than announcing a character is going to die then not killing them?

NOT laboriously announcing they’re going to die then ACTUALLY killing them

jesus christ TLJ was the only time I was emotionally invested in a numbered Star War and I don’t think anyone involved in writing this one saw it

I’m honestly not sure who in this movie is alive versus who is dead anymore but nothing matters anyway so

SHUT UP

oh wow it’s not over yet

It’s still going

This movie is so loud and so colorful and so expensive and so boring

I like that this movie features a Boomer sucking the life force from younger generations.

Ewoks?

fuck it all, sure, that’s exactly what this movie needed

John Williams is trying so hard to make me feel an emotion besides boredom and faint annoyance