Thread by @dolawanle

THE SPIRIT OF AN ELDER

This line came from my late biological father. I had issues with him and I arranged a peace meeting with him. I travelled from the UK to Nigeria to see him at the insistence of my wife.

We got to Nigeria and I met him at a hotel. On seeing me, he....,

could not recognize me as he had not seen me for about 20 years then. After the introduction, I started talking of my issues with him, this and that. How he neglected me and did not take care of me. He said it is deeper than that but that he does not have to say his own side....

of the story in full to create peace. He stopped me from continuing and said it is only your enemies that you allow to finish what they have to say so you can find words to entrap them. He said he also had stories to tell which would make the pictures clearer but that no one will

gain from that as it could cause more damage than we anticipated. Instead, he apologized and prayed for me. We settled and I gave him a lot of money. I continued to take care of him until he died but our meeting was the last time we saw each other. Imagine!

Do you know what would have happened at that last meeting? We would have messed each other up. He could have said something that would trigger more anger in me. I could have said something that would cause him to curse me.

Rather, he asked me to kneel down, he said “the spirit of elders do not add to the chaos. Rather, they sacrifice their personal interests and pride to subdue chaos. In most cases, they do not seek justification but the ultimate good of everyone. That is the spirit of an elder”.

Today, I have fond memories of my late father as what I could remember was not conflict but peace, blessings but not a curse and some lessons on how elders should behave in the midst of conflicts and chaos. Sacrifice your class, pride and justification for the ultimate good of

of everyone. History will then remember you for good.
I remember a matter that involved a so-called elder some years back. It involved a husband and wife. Without hearing from the other side, he took sides with the wife without hearing the story of the husband. Later, he

heard the whole story and discovered that he messed up big time but it was too late. He had damaged their relationship. If you ever get involved in a dispute, do not ever take sides without hearing from both parties in full. If not you will mess up yourself. In other words,

be wise and diplomatic.

You also have no cause to take sides in disputes between two parties. Rather, mediate and make peace for the ultimate good of everyone. You will be more respected that way. That is wisdom in dispute resolution.

Go and behave like a true elder today.

#thespiritofanelder