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Kyle @HNIJohnMiller
, 7 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
1) BREAKING NEWS FROM THE CONSERVATIVE UNDERGROUND NEWS OF TWITTER
2) Our underground sources in unnamed banana news networks report that the current state of their network is this:
3) A few fun notes. First, apparently, I was correct: the omnibus bill was a MASSIVE con job, Trump hoodwinked goddamn everyone because NO ONE READ THE GODDAMN BILL UNTIL IT WAS PASSED. Now that the banana legal team is going through it, they've gone... bananas.
4) 'A quote from the floor: "How the fuck are the guys we have in Congress so fucking stupid that they didnt see this, NO PROTECTIONS FOR OUR POLICY"'
5) Second, news especially relevant for the Conservative Twitter Intelligentsia, @drawandstrike @_VachelLindsay_ @ThomasWictor @MsTriaI @The_War_Economy For the OIG investigation: THERE ARE NO LEAKS. The Banana News Network knows NOTHING about the details of the investigation.
6) oig.justice.gov/press/2018/201… "an alleged person" the BANANA NEWS NETWORK has NO IDEA who this person is, and is offering a $5000 bonus to whoever gets the information.
7) The panic? Real. The deception? Perfect. Stealthy Jeff has ambushed the fake news ENTIRELY. Victory: Imminent. Happening status: 10/10 Ron Pauls. /end
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More from @HNIJohnMiller see all

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1) You're assuming Democrats act independently. This is incorrect. I understand why you might think this way, because that's how the GOP behaves, but there's a key difference between the GOP and the Dems.
2) The GOP has a large network of cooperating interest groups that all are moving in the same general direction in terms of candidates that GOP candidates have to interact with.

The Dems filter ALL their campaign donations through political apparatuses managed by party leaders
3) Effectively, this means that if Pelosi, Schumer, or a neoliberal equally high up gives the thumbs down, they turn off the campaign donation spigot for a Democrat overnight.
Read 5 tweets
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1) Trump can, but does not want, to declare a national emergency in order to build the wall. It is a very nice position to be in, really, knowing that he can get what he wants one way or the other. But he still wants it to go through congress. Why?
2) Because he wants a Republican congress and senate again after 2020. Right now, he's on track to win 2020. He's an incumbent in a good economy, and right now the markets both like a deadlocked government AND is now immune to the shocks that plagued the Obama shutdowns.
3) But he can't have another round of House and Senate elections like what we saw for 2018. We didn't bleed as much as we could have and even edged out a gain in the Senate, and Trump's name will be on the ballot, but the GOP isn't going to save itself, they're incapable of it.
Read 9 tweets
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1) Who’s on the attack? Its a question that’s asked thousands of times every day. Usually its asked as ‘who’s the aggro deck’, when people are playing competitive card games, which is where I learned the concept.
2) Essentially, in a one on one competition, there are two strategies. Offense, and defense. Nice and simple. The offense aggresively goes after their goals, the defense will prevent their opponents from achieving their goals until the defense can achieve its goals.
3) Whoever does best at their strategy, wins.

So what happens when both competitors go into a match intending to be on the offense? What happens when both intend to be on the defense?
Read 28 tweets

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1.
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US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo explaining new sanctions on #Iran.
Oil money will be going into a foreign bank account to only be used for humanitarian purposes.
These will be relentless sanctions, he added.

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🚨 #BREAKING: @realDonaldTrump has nominated #BrettKavanaugh to the #SCOTUS seat vacated by Justice Anthony Kennedy. 👎🏾 #SaveSCOTUS #WhatsAtStake🚨
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Judge #Kavanaugh has been on the Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit for over 10 years. He's a member of the Federalist Society. (@FedSoc) (yikes!)
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#BREAKING: @FIU's new pedestrian bridge just collapsed onto SW 8th Street. This company proudly "performed structural monitoring."
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#BREAKING: #LEAKED recording of GOP strategy session. Unclear at this time if related to healthcare, tax policy, or basic moral aims.
#LEAKED White House junior staffers coming to an important realization:
Sean looking for bushes like:
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