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I served my country. I saw the horrors war and I was scarred. I saw hate and fear in equal measure. I find it harder since my service to maintain my anger. I react inappropriately at times to the mildest of criticism. I have sought counselling but keep reliving the past.
I never judged someone by their religion, ethnicity, colour or gender. When someone was dying, injured or in distress I reached out to help. It was what I had signed up for it was what I trained for. I thought it would make a difference.
It did make a difference. It changed me it left me damaged because I could not being the suffering to an end. Today the UK feels like the War Zone I left behind. Division, distrust and hate seep from every sinew of our society.
Celebrities from all sides of the political divide use their status to influence their followers. These people may have come from what some of us consider working class backgrounds but they left that behind many years ago.
They will never know hunger again, never fear the loss of employment or whether they can afford the next mortgage payment. They air their thoughts and the minions hang onto their comments as though they have some divine insight.
Tonight I despair. The thing I served to defend, to try and improve through my service was all an illusion. Riley, Marsan, Barber, Sugar etc may throw money at a charity of choice. But how many nights will they spend at a soup kitchen how big a tax break do they get for donating?
The party I joined the Labour Party. Has become my nemesis. It airs its problems in public. It is appears transparent to a fault. It has acknowledged the problem of #Antisemitism many times and yet it is never enough. Other political parties remain silent or double down.
They are aware of the problem in their own parties but dismiss the problem or make light of it. They are rarely challenged . To raise concerns that a bias may exist and even present evidence of smears will have you attacked as a conspiracy nut or racist.
#labour did not deny the existence of #Antisemitism in the party. however it allowed people who care to be attacked. People who recognise a problem but can also see the that the responses from some are disproportionate to the size of the problem.
I am angry, I am alone with my thoughts although I am now sharing them publicly. Riley has smeared me because I dare to care, because I dare to question. She has been given a voice in parliament because she is privileged. I and many others will never have that privilege.
I expect Labour to defend the weak and the most vulnerable.I expect the Party to educate when people err. My life I dedicated to helping others and I have failed. The despair I feel is fuelled by the hate I witness. What the hell was the point of living to achieve so little.
Can people not see what we are doing to each other? What the hell am I doing here? Life is meaningless without hope. @DerbyChrisW @NevilleSouthall @shaunjlawson @xpressanny @AngelaRayner @simonmaginn @xpressanny @FightingGran @Hepworthclare @WarmongerHodges @upsadaizy @dallo100
Tried to stay awake to avoid the nightmares. Two hours shut eye without flashbacks Is twitter adding to my woes, making me ill or is it allowing me a voice? Now worried about spelling errors, grammar, words accidentally omitted. Tweet captures my attention.
Another celebrity endorsing a tweet. So now we have to remain silent whenever a woman speaks? I think I mentioned Marsan & Sugar in my previous tweets. However, because some #Corbyn supporters criticise women, they, regardless of gender are all misogynists. 
So much hate online in UK why? Mindfulness, counselling groundhog day. crisis. Need to suppress past experiences how do I bury those horrors. must use unroll @ThreadReaderApp Unroll and rest
