Thread by @fridgeintern

Did you know all the pillows in the WH are My Pillows? The My Pillow guy is a yuge Trump supporter and he delivered the pillows personally.

Did you also know that guy used to be addicted to crack? Did so much even his dealers held an intervention for him. It's true. He talked about it on Hannity. He's a real inspiration on the way he turned his life around.

Anyway, My Pillow guy is in the Oval and I'm handing him a DC when Cocaine Mitch struts in the room. He's got a lot of energy and his pupils are dialated and I know exactly what's about to happen. Mike had never met Mitch before and he was about to be tested.

"There you are, you magnificent bastard! I love your pillow. I don't sleep much but Elaine is getting older and your pillow is firm but squishy at the same time. I don't know how you did it but it really helps get the poison out. And the pillowcase is really absorbent."

"Of course that's not the only reason I'm here. I understand we share a similar interest wink wink nudge nudge. I got little something something with me right now."

Now Mitch pulls out his wallet and takes out 2 $100 bills.

"What say we go somewhere, rolls these Benjamin's real tight, and rip a fat line of Columbian Marching Powder then go egg Chuck Schumer's house?"

Mike just stood there. The "deer in headlights" cliche is just that but there was no other way to describe it. He looked to Boss for some guidance. Was this real or a hallucination?

Boss is great at reading a room and jumped in.

"Goddammit, Mitch. Don't you see we're working here. This is official business. Go find Little Marco if you need a fix right now.

"And, Mitch, I better be able to hear Chuck yelling all the way from Georgetown about his house."

Mitch turned around to leave but paused at the door and turned to Mike, pointed a finger gun at him and made a clicking sound as he winked an eye.

That was honestly the most awkward part of the whole encounter.

Boss looked at Mike and said "Don't worry about him, he means well. Honestly without a bump now and then the Democrats would be running circles around him. I bet if you talk to him tomorrow he'll give you $50 million to move your factory to Kentucky."

So from now on, Mike only visits the WH when Mitch is guaranteed to not be there.

But Mitch did inadvertently give Mike an idea for expanding his product line and he's looking to start a joint venture with a sex doll manufacturer.