Thread by @KatinOxford

I've seen a lot of really interesting takes on the Mary/Martha story in the last week,, particularly towards Martha. A lot of women see themselves in Martha, hosting, cooking, getting everything ready with little to no help. Lord knows the church runs on women getting shit done.

But I wanted to offer an autistic perspective--of how I always read the Mary/Martha story. I'm not a theologian or a pastor, just a woman struggling with Christianity like anyone else.

You see, I always identified with Mary.

When you're autistic, one of the most troublesome parts of living day to day live is something I call "unspoken expectations". Unwritten rules of society, things you're just supposed to "know".

This got me into a lot of trouble growing up.

Because whatever little code in your brain that helps you to adapt into the unspoken rules of society--I don't have it. It takes me forever to figure that shit out.

Example? At my work, there is an UNSPOKEN EXPECTATION that when you go on a trip, you bring back a treat.

Just something for the office to share. But it was never said as something I was supposed to do, so I never did it. And I looked like a selfish asshole because I would go to Oxford or New Orleans and not bring back candy or pralines or whatever.

I'd see other people do this, but it just didn't connect in my autistic brain that I was expected to do that too.

I've tons of stories like that--little things I'm expected to do (offer to clean up at a party, bringing a hostess gift, etc) that no one talks about but I'm supposed to just know.

At 28, I'm better about picking up on this-but it's still a struggle.

Now--back to Martha/Mary.

So we have Martha, busy in the kitchen, trying to get everything ready for the disciples to eat, and having absolutely no help.

And we have Mary, who is sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening. Learning. Completely enraptured.

I notice in the story that Martha never directly asked Mary for help. She just expected it. Rightly, probably, as that was a woman's job--but suppose Mary had the same kind of difficulties I have with unspoken expectations.

Perhaps Mary honestly didn't notice Martha passive aggressively huffing in the background, shooting her dirty looks.

When you're autistic, and you have a hyperfocus--say, Jesus' teachings--it's easy to get sucked in and completely tune out the world around you.

You're not trying to be rude, not trying to be hurtful, you're just so completely absorbed, you don't notice anything else.

This is why I always connected w/ Mary. Cuz I'm that person. Who probably should've helped out her sister, but gets super absorbed in the Rabbi's lesson

And rather than shaming Mary for not picking up on Martha's social cues, Jesus defends Mary. Tells Martha that "Mary has chosen something better".

That meant a lot to me. That my interests and hyperfocuses are more important than society's expectations.

I'm not saying Mary was definitely autistic and this is a completely accurate reading of Luke 10.

But it's just a way I read it, as an autistic person, and I wanted to offer it up as perhaps a response to the vehement defenses of Martha I've seen lately. #ActuallyAutistic