Civility requires discipline, of which there r 4 tools
1) Delay of ...
2) Acceptance of responsibility.
3) Dedication to truth
4) Balancing
This might include the appropriate expression of anger (not faux outrage) where it may be said that a perfect gentleman is someone who never hurts another person's feelings, unintentionally.
The will to use the four tools of discipline, including the awareness of balancing & the work involved in communication, is Love, where love may be defined, among other mysterious & biological aspects as - the will, to give of one's self, for the sake of another's..
This is the key to mental health & well being, at all levels, this continuous process of self-other reflection & even admonishment, when needed