, 19 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
If you’re politically homeless and seeking something to believe in, I made this thread in which I summarize the views of each of today's major political tribes. THREAD.
Liberals want both freedom and equality, so generally get neither.
Conservatives are radicals born a hundred years too late.
Libertarians would protect everyone's personal rights and property until they inevitably destroyed the planet on which it all stands.
Socialists try to make a case for public ownership but always get very publicly owned.
Right-wing populists are sick of dishonest intellectuals, so they vote for dishonest idiots.
Left-wing elitists preach that no one is better than anyone, and believe this makes them better than everyone.
Muslims believe in loose translations of the 7th draft of an illiterate trinket-salesman’s paraphrasings of the Unalterable Word of God.
Christians believe a Middle Eastern carpenter died for them, so they thank him by drinking his blood and eating his flesh, and turning it into piss & shit.
Market fundamentalists worship the free market, but no one wants to buy their books.
Anarchists hate government but are so anarchic they can’t agree on anything else.
Antifa want to end dehumanization by dehumanizing the dehumanizers.
Anti-SJWs just want to virtue-signal their lack of virtue-signalling.
Intersectionalists want to unify people by dividing them into categories.
White supremacists love white people but hate 99% of white people.
Critical theorists dismiss race and gender as inventions of a certain race and gender.
Neoreactionaries are just reactionaries who want to be Neo (from The Matrix).
(Many of you will think the preceding tweet is just a lame pun, but it's actually the most accurate description in this thread.)
Finally, simpletons are people who will read this thread and accuse me of oversimplifying their ideology (but, of course, not that of their opponents).
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