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Other night at the NYPL, I did a discussion with @victorlavalle, @Alicek, @nkjemisin & @sentencebender about A People's Future of the United States. It was great, except...A wee thread about what not to do when you encounter women writers onstage & you decide to ask a "question."
The anthology is about imagined futures after disaster, untold stories, by and about the people whose stories are actively being suppressed by this regime, by this culture, by this world. Sure, you have questions. Guess what they shouldn't be?
Three of the writers on the panel were women. All of us are badasses, and I'm not exaggerating. Stone Cold Badasses who've written a bunch of books. More than you have, sir in the audience who raised your hand to first ramble about how human nature hasn't changed ever, & then...
...then said, "Wait I Have Another Question, for Alice." But he was looking at me. Okay, fine, that's not a crime. You've mashed two of us together. It happens. But then. The question is "Do you know how to frown?"
Can we discuss for a moment how 1) It's never the moment to ask that question. 2) Nor the reverse classic, "Why Don't You Smile?" 3) That's not a question about writing. 4) That's not a question about futurist imagining. 5) That's not a question, mofo.
I considered for a moment, my own classic reply to this question - can I say that in almost every Q & A about my writing work, some dude in the audience raises his hand to police my smile? Can I also say also that my usual reply is "I smile like this so you can see my teeth."
I have, in my life, had (always) men say a wide range of unasked for things about my smile, to include: "you only got raped because you smile all the time." "I was standing over there looking at you, thinking what would happen if I slapped that smile off your face?"
None of these things were appropriate. Several of them have happened at professional events, and often ONSTAGE. There will be a heap of good questions about writing work & story & history, & then a dude who needs to ask, essentially, how I can write when I look like this.
And really, the undercarriage of that question is "How is it possible that a woman can write words about the world that are serious. They must not be serious words. Her mind must not be a serious mind. Anything good she writes is just an accident, not purposeful & furious."
"Do you know how to frown?" is a question meant to say "I'm gonna say that I think your joy is actually stupidity. You're not allowed to have joy and also know about darkness, or have wisdom. If you have joy, that must mean you're a fool."
This is the kind of "question" women get asked all the time. It's a question meant to enforce power structures. It's meant to tell us that our bodies are not our own, our emotions are not rational, and our work is not legitimate, because it's not actually work. It pisses us off.
My joy is hard earned. I spend all my time looking at, analyzing, and diagramming the worst parts of human history. That I have joy in spite of what I know about the world, is work. It's work of the mind. Any woman's smile or lack thereof has nothing to do with you. It is hers.
A furious look on a woman's face MAY be about you. There were several of those on the panel. But basically, don't ask questions about a woman's face when it's a panel about her brain. Or, you know, anyone's face. But this dude felt no urge to ask the men about their faces.
Another dude came through the signing line after the panel with his own questions about my smile. I know how to frown, dude. But frowning is work I don't need to do for you.
End Rant. Ask Better Questions. Be Not Sexists. Go Forth.
PS: GO READ THE BOOK. It's FUCKING CRUCIAL READING FOR THIS MOMENT. AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, DIRE & FURIOUS. The other writers, & the editors, @Victorlavalle,@Johnjosephadams & acquiring editor @vmatsuigeneris hit it out of the park. I love them all. penguinrandomhouse.com/books/561572/a…
