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As you can probably tell from my timeline the #MarkField incident has really bothered me, for lots of reasons, but one of them is about being grabbed by the neck. Here's a thread about how it feels when it happens, which you may want to avoid if it's liable to distress you.
My twenties started well, I finished a degree I never believed I'd do, I bought my first home with my fiance, I was studying for a PhD. I hoped to finish that soon and start a family before I was 25. But my fiance ended our relationship, I got sick and Iost my pets and home.
I moved to Birmingham to continue my PhD. I often worked late and generally had no problems getting home by walking and using the bus. One evening I was on the top deck of the bus right at the front, looking out at the city. As we set off there was a knock on the window.
I thought it must be a branch tapping. Then there was another knock and I spotted a sweet on the floor. A few more followed and I realised a couple of lads behind me were throwing quality streets. I turned, smiled, and joked about not wasting their sweets on me. They ran at me.
One grabbed me by the throat, pushing me against the window. The other, very calmly, tipped his cup of Fanta over my head. Neither were laughing although I wondered fleetingly if this actually looked funny to the four other male passengers sitting behind. And if they'd intervene.
If you've ever been grabbed by the throat you'll know that you panic. You struggle for breath. You begin to get foggy headed. You don't know whether to try and cry out or reserve your energy. I tried to prize his hands off but he held fast, and then he punched me in the face.
Because his friend had drenched me with Fanta his punch didn't connect properly although it hurt like hell. He let go of my neck and asked me 'do you want some more?'. I was so angry and humiliated I coughed and said 'yes'. As he went to grab me I raised both legs and kicked him.
He staggered backwards, grabbing the rail of the stairs to stop him going down them. His friend stepped into his spot but I was faster. I was on my feet, in his face and screaming there was nothing they could do to me that would make my life any worse. They both ran off the bus.
I chased them down the stairs calling for the driver to keep the doors shut, but he didn't. I sat downstairs, wheezing and trying to get my breath. My neck and throat were agony. A man from upstairs came down to check I was okay. I told him I'd needed his help much earlier.
When I got home I had a good cry. The first I'd had in a long while. I cried for my pets and my house and my being so sick and how the one person I needed to make it better no longer wanted me. And how I had to be beaten up with a box of bloody quality street and a cup of Fanta.
My neck and face were bruised and it was a while before I could swallow food or drink comfortably. I didn't report it because I knew nobody would catch them and I'd likely be blamed for sitting on the top of the bus on my own at night anyway.
This has nothing much to do with Field, and neck grabbing, but this incident was one of several that made me passionate about keeping researchers safe. Not just 'in the field' but on daily routine matters. That work goes on.
Like many victims I considered myself 'lucky'. Lucky they didn't have a knife, lucky that punch didn't properly connect, lucky I wasn't choked fatally. But because I was so unhappy at the time a bit of me thought if it had gone really wrong and I died it would have been okay too.
People have said I was brave but I wasn't, I was just frightened and angry and I didn't think. My actions worked but could have backfired. I've been in a few dangerous situations since and I'd love to say I learned from this but I didn't. I've still intervened, not always safely
Anyway, if there's anything to learn from this, neck grabbing and choking is horrible to experience and really dangerous. Being an active bystander is always good. BUT you should always keep yourself safe. A lesson I need to keep learning.
And that life isn't always safe, and it's quite common to have multiple adverse events happen. You may well blame yourself and others might too, and that isn't particularly helpful. It stops us speaking out and supporting each other.
