Thread by @The_War_Economy

"The_War_Economy Goes to Washington"

So I'm with my housemate, getting ready, and he's all "you won't need sunscreen, it'll be warm but not super warm, probably around what we have here". It was pretty hot where I live, so I thought it didn't matter.

So naturally I step out of Reagan Airport after stopping off at Boston briefly, all air conditioned, and I'm hit with a volcano at 10 PM somehow.

I taxi it to my hotel anyway, but because I lost my itinerary about four times in three different airports, I have no way to access the place I got. Luckily she answered at about 10:30 PM to give me the password, but for a time, I was stuck outside on the Washington streets.

Note: This happened last year for Independence Day. I'm not in Washington right now.

Eventually I figure out the air conditioner in my room, which was a godsend, and sleep. Get up, get a Subway, grab a map and walk off. Except Google Maps is wrong, so I end up walking down the wrong street.

So I'm in Washington, asking random people for directions to the White House, because the White House was a good landmark for me to use to find the nearby museums. I didn't have internet on my phone so I had to rely on people.

Nobody knew where the White House was.

One man who was washing his car gave me some direction to it, but added that a bunch of assholes were occupying the building, unlike the last group of people. He laughed, I was like "yeah okay but where's the White House?"

Eventually the police tell me it is on Constitution Avenue, wherever that is.

I end up at Washington Monument and somehow completely miss the White House. At this point, because of the sheer volcanic heat, I am in desperate need of water.

I ask a bunch of people around Washington Monument where I can get a bottle of water. Nobody has any idea. Some dude who worked at ESPN tried to help.

I ask "Where's Washington Mall so I can get some water?"

They respond "YOU'RE IN WASHINGTON MALL! The whole area is the mall!"

So after asking random people for water as I die from thirst, I end up attempting to enter a museum, unaware that they open at 10 AM.

I end up trying to push the rotating doors to get access to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum until I'm told to stop. Sorry, guys.

I get into the CAFE part of the museum and chill out for a bit, then I actually start looking around Washington, more specifically the monuments. They were all pretty cool.

I even managed to catch Seymour High School Marching Band singing outside of the Martin Luther King Memorial.

I was pretty surprised to see how tall that dude actually was in real life.

I continue walking around, grab some food, see the salesmen who I would quickly get used to saying "WATER! WATER! GET YOUR ICE COLD WATER! DON'T LET DEHYDRATION RUIN YOUR VACATION!" and pushing multiple bottles of truly ice cold water.

After visiting Lincoln Memorial, it came to my first planned tour: the Pentagon.

So I said what every reasonable person would say during a heatwave and unaware of the water fountain system of America: I'll walk there!

I walk across from the Lincoln Memorial across that massive bridge separating Washington, DC to Virginia and then enter Arlington National Cemetery.

I go to the receptionist: "Hey, how do I get to the Pentagon from here?"

"Oh, you can take a bus outside-"

"I'm walking there."

"God bless you, sir."

That's when I knew I had made a mistake.

She gave me directions and I walked through Arlington National Cemetery.

Now because of the Pentagon tour, I didn't have time to explore it (yet), but I was very surprised at the sheer size of the cemetery.

It's a pretty monumental experience, and very, very quiet.

I pass a guard at the end of Arlington National Cemetery and then walk off to the Pentagon, which takes longer than I expect because I have to essentially walk all the way around the Pentagon.

I'm sweating like crazy. I'm dying of thirst because I drank it all.

I had to wait.

So I collapse on the nearby bus station for a bit as soldiers and technicians and whatever are going home or going to the Pentagon. I'm essentially sleeping for 30 minutes at a Pentagon bus stop.

I stand up, go to the door, get searched, go into the Pentagon and what do the Pentagon soldiers say?

"OH BOY WE GOT A SWEATY ONE HERE!!!"

I buy a Pentagon shirt (which is now ripped) and a Pentagon cup (which is great) and then have the tour, which was carried out in a very great manner.

The Pentagon was practically empty due to July 4th.

As I said on July 9, 2018, I did ask about Stefan Halper while I was there.

At the end of the tour, somebody asks the Pentagon tour guide about the Space Force.

They didn't have any idea what was happening with it.

But that's just what they want you to believe...

Here comes my next problem: I have to walk back to Washington, DC, to my hotel more specifically, which is practically on the other side of Washington, and I'm in Virginia.

So I start, and I end up getting stopped by the guard outside Arlington National Cemetery, who makes me empty my pockets and searches me. I don't have a wallet so I just dropped about $100 in $5 notes on a nearby barrel.

I'll have a wallet next time because it was windy.

I then crash at a water fountain in the Cemetery itself, because I've finally discovered the system, and I'm drinking like mad.

I then explore Arlington National Cemetery for a long time. I couldn't find JFK's grave, but I found the grave of the North Pole explorer.

After this, I get going, walk into Washington, walk by the White House, and then I see a fountain full of water and I stop at it.

An American and his kid look at me. He goes "I'll give you $5 if you jump in it."

I said "I don't need the money to jump in it."

I sit down, look into the distance, and the thunderstorm starts.

In fact, I see lightning in the exact direction I need to go.

I take a moment to reflect on how wild the day has been so far, and I had two more ahead of me.

Eventually I get back, chill out, get some food at a nearby bar and watched some of that baseball I had been hearing about. I was done walking.

The next day, I look up the Washington, DC map again and I say "I'm going to get to the White House this time".

I do, but not in the speed I'd like, because I was still unaware that Google Maps was wrong - it was missing an entire street from the map.

It's July 4th.

I take the time to look at all of the big buildings for places such as the Treasury Department, the FARA Registration Unit (as a joke), the Environmental Protection Agency and the Woodrow Wilson Center.

I head over to Washington Mall, now aware of what the mall actually was, and I start visiting the museums, where I see the Batmobile, which was awesome.

They were also setting up a parade that I was unaware of, so I had to go through National Museum of American History quickly.

What surprised me was the American President section, and seeing Obama and Trump memorabilia together without seeing a protest nearby.

In fact, it turns out that Washington wasn't anything like Twitter.

I head out, not knowing that I was slowly being sunburned (because I rarely go on holiday) and I watch the July 4th Parade for a few hours.

Couple more pictures.

It was then that Uncle Sam showed up.

Then the parade got silly.

So I walked off to go explore some other buildings, such as the United States Department of Justice and the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Could have solved Spygate right there and then.

I also visited the National Archives. I can't remember if I did this on July 4th or July 5th though. No cameras were allowed.

I got to see the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, that was pretty cool.

And there was a John Adams impersonator talking to us about war.

So I visit a bunch of the museums - Air and Space Museum, National Museum of Natural History, the Hirshhorn Museum.

I HATED the Hirshhorn Museum. It didn't have orange juice (ran out) and it was practically a Tumblr of post-modern art.

So I walk around, thinking about what to do, and I remember that scene from Forrest Gump and start heading towards Captiol Hill.

I saw a load of people queuing up.

So I walk up to the guy holding the shotgun and I ask him what's going.

Capitol Hill Concert. It's also free.

I sit down for a bit, still unaware of potential sunburn, and people start rolling into this concert, A Capitol Fourth. Saw people wearing both Trump and Obama shirts, and again, there were no fistfights. Twitter is so distorted.

So I got to see John Stamos, Jimmy Buffett, The Beach Boys, The Temptations, Pentatonix, Luke Combs, Lauren Alaina, Joshua Bell and the National Symphony Orchestra.

Also, Chuck Schumer and Steve Scalise were there, but I was pretty far in the back.

It was a great time and then I had to walk back at night through a seemingly never-ending crowd of people as fireworks were exploding all around us. Very cool, 10 / 10.

On the third day, I visited a few places, including the House of Representatives.

The tour guide giving the history of all of the paintings pretty much reminded me of Leslie Knope talking about Pawnee's history.

Some pictures from a Capitol Fourth.

While at the House of Representatives, I did not see any Representatives.

I was a bit disappointed. However, I bought this sweet Capitol Hill shirt and drinking glass.

When I was in the National Archives, by the way, the Trump shot glasses were something else.

I visited the Botanical Gardens, Thomas Jefferson's Library and Babe Ruth's shoes.

The thread's nearly done, by the way.

I also saw this brutal and to-the-point poster.

Then I took a wrong turn and visited Catalonia.

I did some other stuff outside of this, including losing my luggage on the way home.

And that's the end, there isn't an actual ending, it just sort of ends here.

[End.]