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We're often told we 'made our child trans' because it's 'trendy'. 1) I can't make my kids eat broccoli let alone perform gender 2) I think we'd have picked something that doesn't risk our kid having their head kicked in. 1/
I've met & spoken to hundreds of families with trans kids, both in the UK & around the world. I have yet to meet a single parent who had any awareness of trans kids before their child came out. I know it is hard for people to understand because it was hard for us too. 2/
We were woefully unaware of trans folk, safe in a privilaged happy cocoon. The growing realisation that our child was trans disrupted our ignorance. I'm not going to lie, it was frightening. We took a long time to figure out what was going on with our kid & learn to accept her 3/
As parents in that situation you're faced with two choices; Love & support your kid, listen & accept & love their identity & give them space to explore or; Deny their identity & become their first bully. There is no middle ground. 4/
Just like almost every other family I've spoken to with a young trans child, we chose wrong. We said she* was perfect as she* was; That she* could be whatever child she* wanted to be (*in the gender assigned at birth). We thought this was a funny phase she would grow out of. 5/
Our child was carrying a heavy burden, & every time we denied her identity, however well meaning, we added another stone. We really thought we were doing the right thing. That gender was learned not born, that for her to be transgender was impossible. 6/
If there were trans people in the media I had only the vaguest awareness & it wasn't positive. We'd never knowingly met a trans adult. We had no notion that our child might be transgender, because for us, transgender children did not, could not exist. 7/
Like every family I've spoken to with a young trans child who's identity is denied, our previously happy child got sadder & sadder. We spent many nights sat in the dark holding her hand as she cried herself to sleep, depressed & frustrated at us, her parents, utterly alone. 8/
The sole thing they wanted in the world was for us to call them a girl. Yet we continued to reject her, saying we loved her but we couldn't do that. Our child was fading before us. We were failing. We needed to change. We stepped up, we got expert advice. 9/
We didn't need lessons on the harm of denial of gender identity, we were seeing it played out in our family. We did though learn that supported trans kids can & do have happy fulfilled lives. That trans people have been living & thriving for centuries, throughout the world 10/
Accepting & affirming a trans child's identity. Making small changes; pronouns, name, educating others around them of the benefits of doing this, giving them freedom to express & explore their gender without restriction or stigma, has profound positive impact on wellbeing. 11/
For our child the impact of her parents & loved ones supporting her was profound. She dropped much of the burden of the bag of rocks she was carrying. When she met other trans kids & later, adults, & realised she was not alone in the world more weight fell away. 12/
We rarely think about the dark days past. With love, affirmation & support our daughter is a confident, bright, happy & loving child. She's able to concentrate at school, is positive & excited about her future. Nothing is certain in life but we've got all the evidence we need 13/
If you've learnt something from this thread you may be interested in our (@FierceMum's) blog growinguptransgender.com& go follow her, she's incredible. Also check out #transkidsliving and #nhsfailingtranskids for our critiques of the lack of access to gender care for trans youth.
