Thread by @gathara

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https://twitter.com/gathara/status/1177172452822126592?s=20

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#BREAKING Highly placed sources indicate that the Kenyan High Commission in London is investigating a suspicious increase in applications for tourist visas which may be linked to economic migrants fleeing potential #Brexit chaos.

#BREAKING Sources say similar suspicious increases in applications for tourist visas have been recorded at other African embassies and consulates in London. A meeting of the AU Commission later today will try to chart a coordinated response without fueling a panic. #Brexit

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator, Monica Juma, suspends face-to-face negotiations between PM Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn saying the inability to agree on the meaning of English words is hampering progress. For the moment, she says she will conduct shuttle diplomacy between them.

#BREAKING As tensions continue to rise following an attack on opposition MP Jess Philips office, AU #Brexit mediator, Monica Juma, has again called for calm and reiterated the AU's offer to send a small contingent of troops to help secure the UK's nuclear weapons and materials.

#BREAKING Credible sources say military officials from the AU Standby Force are preparing an extraction plan for African citizens in case of failure of #Brexit negotiations. AU mediator, Monica Juma, however assures panicked Britons that she will stay till peace is assured.

#BREAKING Kenya's government issues advisory warning against non-essential travel to restive UK tribal districts of Scotland and Northern Ireland. Non-essential embassy staff as well as family members have been asked to prepare for possible evacuation at short notice. #Brexit

#BREAKING Shocked by images of malnourished British children, some of whom have been forced to survive on a diet of fast food alone, a coalition of Kenyan NGOs has appealed for donations of fruits and vegetables to be airdropped at schools and villages across the UK. #Brexit

#BREAKING British civil society bodies criticize well-meaning Kenyan initiative, Adopt-A-Child, which encourages Kenyan donors to virtually adopt British children online and send cash to feed them, as culturally insensitive exploitation of UK children's suffering. #Brexit

#BREAKING "#Brexit doesn't mean UK children don't deserve dignity," declare British civil society organizations which have organized protests against Kenyan charity efforts using heart-wrenching images of malnourished British children surviving on fast food to attract donations.

#BREAKING Kenyan aid worker in Newcastle says UK kids are victims of politics. An emotional Vincent Onyango says deadlock in #Brexit talks shows indifference of London politicians in London to the suffering of their own people. He demands the world do more to resolve the crisis.

#BREAKING British weather is also hampering aid efforts further out in the UK where African aid workers have set up centres to assist the hapless population affected by the #Brexit crisis. An impressive Ugandan teenager is helping organize and teach farmers to grow fruit and veg.

#BREAKING Officials of donors nations gathered in Nairobi to discuss aid for the UK express shock as British Prime Minister Boris Johnson dismisses reports of the suffering caused by the #Brexit crisis as "humbug". Donors say they will work directly with aid groups on the ground.

#BREAKING AU announces funding for civil society groups to conduct civic education across the UK on "fundamentals of democracy". #Brexit mediator, Monica Juma, notes need to address widespread cultural and historical misconceptions about the crisis-torn island's imperial past.

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator, Monica Juma: "We reject the notion that the universal values of democracy are alien to British culture. We do not judge the people by the actions of their rulers and we do bot seek to impose solutions but rather help them along the democratic path".

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator Monica Juma has warned that the world would not allow the UK to go the way of the US. "It would be a betrayal of British people's democratic aspirations," she said after PM Boris Johnson refused to apologise for divisive language in Parliament.

#BREAKING Kenya's US envoy urges caution after paper outs whistleblower responsible for impeachment inquiry against President Donald Trump. US media, one of the more vibrant in the region, has been targeted by the authoritarian leader since his controversial election in 2016.

#BREAKING Amb Robinson Githae says there was need to push for democratic reforms in the US to enhance the accountability of the state and to secure freedom of the press. "The Kenya people are ready to assist their American brothers and sisters in this effort", he said.

#BREAKING Kenyan ambassador reiterates President Uhuru Kenyatta's warning to US President Donald Trump not to interfere with the impeachment inquiry in the US Congress, says Kenya would consider attempts to identify and punish the whistleblower as interfering with the inquiry.

#BREAKING Unconfirmed reports say several African police agencies are investigating the failure of the world's oldest travel firm, UK-based Thomas Cook, on suspicion it was deliberately engineered as cover for #Brexit-induced "mass illegal migration". No comment from UK police.

#BREAKING UK strongman, Boris Johnson, may be planning to once again take advantage of the crisis-hit island's aging monarch, Queen Elizabeth II. News reports suggest he plans to manipulate the Privy Council which advises her on legislation into suspending #Brexit laws.

#BREAKING Given the UK's strategic location overseeing the Dover Straits, one of the world's busiest shipping lanes, as well as its nuclear weapons, the failing capacity of Queen Elizabeth (royals on the island traditionally have one name) is a headache for leaders across Africa.

#BREAKING Sources say AU #Brexit mediator, Monica Juma, has nicknamed Prime Minister Boris Johnson, "Rasputin", due to the influence he seems to wield over the aging Queen. The mediator has refused to comment on the story but warned that the rumours could harm the negotiations.

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator Monica Juma has identified a core problem as the mystical belief in an unwritten constitution. "While democracy is not incompatible with their tribal cultures and beliefs, the UK cannot expect to run a modern state using imaginary books," she said.

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator Monica Juma: "The British must see, painful as it is, that sometimes one must let go of old myths and traditions and embrace the new. In the modern age, an unwritten constitution is a good idea in the same way an unwritten novel is a good idea".

#BREAKING Famous Ugandan explorer, Milton Allimadi, who earlier this year discovered and named the Gulu River in London, joins AU #Brexit mediation team. Allimadi has lived among the British for many years and extensively studied local customs for the Kampala European Society.

#BREAKING AU envoy Monica Juma welcomes appointment of Milton Allimadi to #Brexit mediation team. Allimadi is better known by island natives as "Sir Gulu" after he was made an elder of the English tribe in a sacred ceremony performed by the revered monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

#BREAKING Sir Gulu was accepted by the tribe as a "Knight" or traditional warrior, meant to uphold a strict traditional religious, moral, and social code, and protect the tribe from mythical creatures like dragons. He will command respect from all parties in the #Brexit talks.

#BREAKING AU #Brexit mediator Monica Juma urges calm and promises to intensify peace efforts after celebrated UK journalist, Andrew Rawnsley, warns that "many parliamentarians live in fear that something terrible will happen to them or their loved ones." amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/…