Thread by @TheOviKabir

Many times there’s a stigma surrounding vulnerability, however I believe being vulnerable can be a source of strength for yourself & also others bc it let’s others know it’s completely okay not being okay all of the time.

That’s why I’m sharing my story.

#WorldMentalHealthDay

There are 3 main instances in my life where I heavily struggled with my mental health.

I grew up in a small city where I was one of the only person of color in my entire middle school. I had just transferred schools & I was singled out quickly for being the new kid.

I not only looked different than most of the students, but the plastic container of rice & curry my Mum made for me smelled vastly differently to them than their packaged PB&J sandwiches they brought to the cafeteria.

This wasn’t acceptable by some of them.

For the first 3 months at that school, my lunch was snatched, I was pushed down each class change, & was called a terrorist every time a teacher wasn’t around.

Teachers looked the other away & I didn’t want to tell my parents as they were going thru their own struggles.

I was 14 when I first thought maybe my life wasn’t worth living.

A kid at that school saw what was happening to me & decided to be my first friend there & he got me out of a dark place.

He’s still one of my best friends today.

It was my second semester in college.

I worked very hard up till this point; studied for all my exams, got involved in student clubs, & did everything I thought I should do to be successful.

But as the weather got colder, I felt something inside me did too.

Nothing could make me happy & nothing felt like it mattered. Applications for programs I applied for were rejected, I was losing my financial aid, & my then relationship was on the rocks.

I stopped caring about things & soon, leaving my bed felt like the hardest task of the day.

I stopped eating & spent the greater time of my day in my bed. I couldn’t quite find the reason for my sadness, but I just felt empty all the time.

A friend of mine saw my condition & did everything he could to help me. I told him I wanted to dropout, he told me no.

He emailed my professors through my email. Dragged me to my classes & did what he could to help me get through the year.

That semester I withdrew from 1 one of my classes, failed 2 of my classes, & barely passed my other 2; but I didn’t dropout.

I was 19 when I lost all my motivation for everything & just wanted to give up for reasons I couldn’t explain.

3 years later I graduated from my college with honors & was elected as the first Bangladeshi-American Student Body President.

I was 22 when I was casted for my fav TV show.

I left the show disappointed in how I performed bc it was a dream of mine to be on it & I felt like I failed bc I left it earlier than I intended.

I came back to a social media frenzy where I saw a sea of comments all about me.

Many comments were nice, but some not so much. Every part of me about me was criticized & people I had no idea of had large opinions of myself.

“I was stupid”

“Naive”

“Disappointment”

“Weird & Awkward”

The list went on & the tags & mentions wouldn’t stop.

I tried to stay off the internet but couldn’t help myself but read new & past comments about myself every night until 3am.

I felt wrong for having my feelings bc I lived out my dream & shouldn’t be complaining when people have more important issues & problems out there.

I internally cringed when someone would come up & ask me about my experience & how I was, bc I had to lie every time & say I was “okay”.

I put on a smile on my face & all my pics bc I didn’t want anyone to think anything else.

I wasn’t okay & I was overwhelmed with everything.

I never thought I’d get the attention I did, both negative & positive; & I started to question who I really was.

I spent most of my weeks after the show cramped up in my public library, my face in a book, as I felt it was my only getaway from the world I was living in.

With time & a lot of books, I was able to come to terms with my experience, my own disappointment, & also all the comments I had read & would read in the future.

I was 22 when I found out how much social media can truly negatively influence your mental health.

Sometimes a face full of books & time can be the best medicine.

Everybody’s story is different & the way we deal with our issues may vary, but don’t let being vulnerable be an obstacle for you bettering your own mental health.

Your story is just as valid, no matter how small or big you think the issue might be in comparison to others.

It’s okay to not be okay.

#WorldMentalHealthDay